Gossamer | Story: "Generations 25: Ghost from the Past" by Evenstar, Eowyn & MacspookyThe Gossamer Project Author - Title - Date - Spoilers - Crossovers - X-Files - Adventures - Stories - Vignettes Other stories by: Macspooky - Evenstar, Eowyn Date: Wed, 17 Apr 1996 10:06:04 -0700 From: eowyn7@ix.netcom.com (Gail Moore) Subject: Re: new story Greetings. Back again, can you believe it? Well Mac has been hinting about Grandpa for quite some time now and we thought we'd finally do a little something with that. In this story Mulder confronts his past with the help of someone he's reluctantly co me to depend on. It's got lots of Mulder angst and some hints of coming attractions. Rated R for that word. Not too many third season spoilers--mostly just hints--like I said in the last story if you've been reading much off the newsgroup they shouldn't come as much of a surprise. Romance--of course it's me--isn't it? Not really a case just hints about what has been going on. E-mail me at 72620.3447@compuserve.com or Eowyn7@ix.netcom.com Eowyn. CC: macspooky@erols.com if you get a chance. Disclaimer stuff. I don't own Mulder, Scully, Skinner or Meg. I'm just borrowing them to play. Chris Carter is the person who I borrowed them from and I promise to give them back when I'm done, only slightly dented. The other characters you find in this story don't belong to me either. They belong to Macspooky and her most excellent Generation series and are used with her full permission. This is not part of my Fusion series. Please feel free to circulate this or any of my other stories around with only two conditions. One: keep our name and addresses attached and two: if you want to put it in a zine or something like that let me know because we want a copy. Deal? Okay. On with the show... Ghosts From The Past By Macspooky and Eowyn Chapter 1 "Running Interference" It was Sunday afternoon about two and a half weeks after Patrick Steven Wolf and Brenda Stephanie Margaret had been born and Dana Katherine Scully Mulder was finally getting to the point that she felt almost normal. Her clothes still didn't fit and she had about ten pounds to lose before getting back to her normal weight but she was feeling almost energetic for the first time since she had had that flu. If it didn't mean leaving her babies she might have been bugging her boss to let her come back to work, but she really wanted to spend the remaining nine weeks of her maternity leave getting to know them. Besides, her sleep was constantly interrupted and she needed more time to get them on a schedule. Even with all the help she had, being a mother to twins was not easy. Fox was being wonderfully cooperative by working in Behavioral Sciences doing profiles rather than field work. He seemed to be enjoying the unaccustomed break. She hoped his contentedness would last through her maternity leave. Backing him up was a job that she trusted only to herself. She smiled as she watched her step-father slap Fox on the back before they headed out to the back to discuss cars, vans and she would bet, work. They avoided discussing work around her because they knew how much she missed it. That was frustrating for her and she'd probably give them grief about it in a couple of weeks if they kept it up but for now she'd put up with it. After all, she had plenty to think about, diapers, nursing pads... and laundry... mountains and mountains of laundry. It was incredible how much wash two infants, each less than 7 lbs. could generate! Walter had changed in his, well if not attitude to Fox, he had definitely changed in the way he expressed his feelings towards his son-in-law. He'd become much more open and even a little more physical. He would even hug him when he left from an visit and seemed to have dropped the walls he used to keep Fox at a distance. Before they had kept each other at a distance only letting the walls come down in times of crisis. Well there had been lots of those recently. It made Dana happy to see the change, although there were times when it saddened her a little too. She was human after all, and she missed Ahab, her own dad, wished he had known Fox, sometimes wished it were her own dad with Fox. But then again Fox might not have dropped his walls as easily for Ahab. There had always been something special between Mulder and Skinner. Even all the way back to the Tooms case. She'd been shocked when Skinner hadn't tried to break the alibi that she had given Mulder. His reaction told her that he hadn't believed her and yet she knew somehow that he'd never believed her partner had been guilty of beating up Eugene Tooms. And Mulder had later told her about the conversation Skinner had had with him after she had been dismissed. The AD had apparently tried to get through to him very hard about his harassment of Tooms. About the career risk he was taking for both of them. Mulder couldn't stop it though because he knew that it would mean another death. Looking back now she realized that AD Skinner could have stopped Mulder and her from their surveillance of the suspect, the fact that he hadn't meant that even then he was trusting Fox and his judgement. Dana was only sorry that Fox had been proved right. Someone else had had to die to prove it though. Then there was the time that Mulder had stormed into his office right in the middle of a meeting. That was the first time she had wondered about the AD. He'd let Mulder come in and complain and hadn't even slapped him down. Fox had seemed to feel that making an ass of himself, as he had described to her later on, in front of a bunch of big wigs was enough punishment for storming his way into the Assistant Director's office. It never seemed to occur to him that that sort of behavior just wasn't done and that Skinner had transferred agents to field offices in the middle of nowhere for less. But Fox Mulder had done it with impunity and simply been told to get back on the case. Her then partner, now husband, had never realized that he was the talk of the Bureau for days after that. The next agent to try something similar had ended up on temporary assignment in Fairbanks, Alaska. Two months in the frozen north in January and February... she shivered at the thought. After that she noticed that Fox just automatically assumed that Skinner would support him. They would fuss, yell and act like they could barely tolerate each other but the AD had always come through for them when needed. Still, she was glad that Walter had made a conscious effort to drop the walls and she didn't think that he had done it because of recent crisis. He had seemed to instinctively know that Fox was having trouble relating to his son and was trying to give him the support and a loving example to help him overcome his fears. The surprise birth of Patrick seemed to be reviving a lot of unhappy memories in the man she had married. Her husband had never talked much about his family life, if you could call what he had family. From things he had let slip over time and things Ed Tillot, his step father, had said she knew that Fox's father had always been cold and distant with him and that he had on occasion beat him. The last time had been shortly after Samantha had disappeared and was so severe that Bill Mulder had been brought up on charges and Fox had been sent to live with his Aunt Sophia until he was old enough to be out on his own. His mother, if not outright rejecting of him, had been unable to face the raising of a son alone and even when she had remarried had not wanted William Mulder's son around. Dana tried hard to forgive her for that but the best she had been able to do was to avoid thinking about it when his mother was around. She didn't want those feelings of anger at his mother to taint their relationship. Fox loved Ruth after all, and having Dana and her on the outs again would only serve to hurt him. So Dana recognized and accepted her own anger but tried not to let it color her actions towards the woman. This last week had tested that resolve. His mother, her husband and his two sisters had just returned to Massachusetts after a week long visit with them and the new babies. Although the girls had been a joy, it had been a very stressful visit. Every time Fox would start to warm up to his son, he would look up and see Ruth looking at him with fear in her eyes and withdraw again from his baby boy, seemingly afraid to hold and love him. He didn't have the same trouble with his daughter simply doting on Brenda. Dana would give a months pay to find out what had happened to cause this but Ruth was silent on the subject when pressed by Dana. She almost seemed to be afraid that Fox would abuse the boy. Well he wasn't Bill Mulder and Dana most definitely wasn't her, but the woman's constant watching had affected Fox. Ed, his mother's husband, had tried to talk to him about it but Fox had closed him out. He refused to discuss the subject and avoided being alone with both Ed and his mom after the first couple of days. Fortunately the Tillot's had stayed at a nearby hotel, although Jen and Amy had spent one night on the sofa bed spoiling the babies and puppies and generally making them laugh. They had managed to convince their parents to take two of the puppies when they had left, and now they all had homes. That at least had been a relief. Something positive had come from the visit at least. Having his mother around all the time, however, would have been too much of a strain. As it was, when they announced that it was time to head back several days earlier than planned, the girls were after all missing school, she hadn't protested or invited them to stay longer. She had promised the girls they could come and stay during the summer, however, to forestall complaints. Besides, she loved them, and Fox was crazy about them. Even Walter had warmed up to them, and of course, Aunt Sophia, who had intelligently laid really low during Ruth's visit, had spent time with them whenever their mother was not around. Her mom and step father had stayed away the first few days so that Fox's family would have some time with them and the babies but Mom had detected the strain in her daughter's voice when they were chatting over the phone and had suggested that dinner might be nice. Over dinner Mom had been wonderful trying to draw Ruth out and keeping the conversation moving with family tales. Walter had been the surprise. It hadn't taken him more than a couple of hours to catch on to the effect Fox's mother's attitude was having on her son. He saw the withdrawal, and the nervousness Fox suddenly developed around Patrick, but unlike Ed he hadn't tried to talk to him about it. Instead, whenever they were alone or it was just Meg or Dana he had started relaxing his barriers and opening up to Fox more. He had told him, actually them, more about his childhood, and especially about his father, in the last few days than she had learned in the entire time she had known him. Fox hadn't said anything and Dana wasn't sure that he even realized what Walter was up to but he had listened avidly. She had been afraid at first that all these stories about a happy childhood would hurt her husband and make him jealous but instead he seemed to find them fascinating. In fact in a very rare instance of Mulder actually talking with his step father she had found him questioning Ed a little about his childhood. So Dana had Ruth on the one side feeding Fox all that garbage that William had fed her about being tough on a boy as though she couldn't quite make up her mind whether it was a good thing or a bad thing, and Walter with a little help from Ed trying to show him how wrong that was. Walter also kept encouraging him to hold both his children and not just his daughter. Dana hadn't realized what her step father was up to at first, until on the night before the Tillot's left she saw Walter's reaction to Ruth's behavior. Fox had been in the family room playing with the babies while he and Walter discussed some case files. Since their dinner together earlier in the week Skinner had been spending at least part of his evenings over at their house, ostensibly to discuss cases and to stay out of her mother's hair as she worked in the new house that they were going to be moving into in a week or two. Walter brought his own son to give her mother time to work uninterrupted. Often right after dinner, she would find Walter and Fox in the family room with the three babies playing and chatting away. Dana had wondered a bit about it, thinking that Ruth might resent Walter's presence but she hadn't said anything realizing that Fox needed the break from his mother's constant scrutiny and fears. Dana found herself thinking that if she heard Ruth say, "But your father always told me that... fill in the blank with lousy advice..." one more time, she might strangle the woman. She was grateful to Walter, for his presence, although she was beginning to think she would kill for an evening home alone with her husband and babies... for even just an hour..... At one point Walter had gone to the front hall to get his brief case and Dana was headed into the family room to ask Fox a question. They had both come in, from opposite sides of the room, to see Ruth giving Fox that fearful look and worrying at him that he was spoiling his children, read that as son, Fox again withdrew into himself and put his son down. Dana had looked over at Walter to see a look of barely suppressed anger on his face. She knew how he felt but she didn't know what to do about what Ruth was doing to her son. Walter apparently did know what to do. His face took on a neutral expression and he joined Fox on the couch and began to discuss work, cutting Mulder's mother out. Not long after Ruth had wondered off, Dana had glanced back in to find that Fox was again holding his son as he and Walter continued to discuss the case. Her step father was holding Brenda in his lap, while the Little Fox slept on a blanket at their feet. Ruth had wandered into the kitchen at that point to see Dana smiling at her husband and step father. She acquired a fearful look upon seeing the hostile expression on her daughter-in-law's face, the one Dana had not quite been able to suppress when the woman had made her entrance. It wasn't long after that the Tillot's had decided to head back early. That had been just fine with Dana. Fox didn't need his mother's attitude right now, and she had tried tactfully to let his mother know that she was not helping as she had stood in the kitchen putting dinner dishes away. "You know, Ruth, when we were growing up, my father always held the boys and played with them. There is nothing wrong with it. My daddy was a wonderful man..." "I... well... I guess so... I mean... still, Bill was very smart about some things and...." "You needn't guess, Ruth. My daddy WAS a wonderful man." Dana's nerves were frayed. She was tired at this point in the evening, and although she had been careful not to raise her voice, more annoyance that she had intended crept into her tone. Ruth backed away.... "It's... it's so confusing sometimes... I mean..." "There's nothing confusing about it, Ruth. If William Mulder had been such a wonderful parent, the courts wouldn't have sent your son to live with his aunt.... I'd suggest you get yourself unconfused." Dana sighed. At that point she heard Patrick screaming. That meant it was time to feed him... again. Without another word or thought, she left Ruth standing there while she tended her baby. The next day they had announced they were leaving. Dana had offered up a prayer of thanksgiving unaware that her mother-in-law was in a snit. The following afternoon, after the Tillots had left Walter wondered into the living with the little Fox in hand laughing while Dana nursed Brenda. Patrick was napping quietly having just finished his dinner. "So, Walter, are you two taking Fox's toy apart?" "No I'll leave that to Kevin. He showed up fifteen minutes ago with that new engine part and drafted Mulder into helping. Tinkering on cars is not one of Mulder's favorite activities. I don't know who enjoys the new sports cars more. Fox and I who love driving them or your brothers who love taking them apart and putting them back together. They worked on mine last weekend and it runs like..." Walter paused here not wanting to use the phrase 'pure pussy' which had been used by both Mulder and her brothers to describe a smooth running engine. He concluded with, "a dream now. I think they are kind of depressed that it's working so well 'cause now they won't have an excuse to take it apart for awhile. Bill's supposed to be over later this afternoon to help Kevin set the timing. Whatever that is." "They love to tinker with cars. From about the time Billy was fourteen he and dad started buying old cars and rebuilding them, then as the other boys got older they joined in. Hey I even learned quite a bit myself. I can change the oil and spark plugs on an older car and on some of the other old models I can adjust the carburetor. I can also change the belts on a lot of models." "Fox never said anything about that." "He doesn't know. It's never come up in conversation and if you think I'm going to tell him that I can work on his Mustang you're nuts. He can draft my brothers in when it needs work. I could just see myself at eight months pregnant trying to adjust the carburetor. No thank you." Walter laughed. "I promise not to tell." She smiled at him and decided to talk to him about what was on her mind. She wasn't sure how to start. Her step father could tell by her pensive expression that something was troubling her so he asked, "Is something wrong, Dana?" "Not really. I just don't quite know how to thank you for helping Fox over the last week. I have no idea what we would have done without you." He didn't pretend not to know what she was talking about. "Has his mother always been like this?" "I think so. After they took Samantha she had a break down and Fox was sent to live with Aunt Sophia. Even after she recovered and remarried she still wouldn't let Fox come to live with her and Ed. She acted like he was contaminated because he was Bill Mulder's son. You know he's got to spend more time with his sisters in the last year or so than their entire life up to this point. I thought she had begun to work through her fears and to accept that her son wasn't to blame and now this visit has brought it all back. Especially a... Little Wolf." She smiled to herself thinking of it. Skinner would probably be in a snit when he found out... "I don't know if she feels guilty about the way she let Bill Mulder treat Fox or if she is afraid that Fox will treat our son the way his father did him or if she thinks that Bill was right about being harsh on a boy to make a man of him and that Fox is going to turn our son into some kind of a wimp by loving him like he does. Hell, it may be a combination of all three but whatever it was her attitude towards Fox on this visit broke his heart. Sometimes I get so mad at her I'd like to tell her to get out of her son's life and not come back. Trouble is that would only hurt Fox more. Jeez, for all I know maybe she's just a hopeless ditz brain..." Walter smiled thinking she had hit the nail right on the head but just nodded and sat silently for a couple of minutes before asking the question that burned in his mind. He hated to pry but maybe the answer would help him to figure out how to approach his son-in-law and help him over his fears. "What happened between Fox and his father? I mean other than the beating that got him removed from his custody." "He told you about that?" Dana asked surprised. "Not exactly. He let it slip last summer when we were discussing something. He clammed up almost immediately but I've got some pull, so I read the police files and talked to a few people. Strictly on the QT. There weren't too many people willing to talk but from what they said I got the impression that William Mulder was very hard on his son and a cold and distant father, who after his daughter disappeared went a little crazy and almost killed his son." "Well then you know about as much as I do. Other than to hint at it he's never talked with me about it. In fact, from the few comments that Aunt Sophia's made, I don't think he's ever talked to anyone about it. It would probably do him good to do so but I think it's buried so far down that he doesn't know how to get at the pain and the guilt. I know that's it's left him with a dark side that he has to fight to keep in control at times." "Yeah. The last thing a sensitive boy like Fox needed was to be beaten into shape. It's amazing he's survived as well as he has." Dana nodded as she disconnected Brenda. "He was doing really well until our son was born..." She hesitated over the name causing Walter to wonder what she normally called the baby. "Little Wolf's birth has really pulled all his fears, pain and anger to the surface. And his mother sure didn't help with her fearful looks and attitude. As if Fox could ever be like his father." "He could, Dana, any of us is capable of darkness but he is really fighting hard to overcome it." "Well you have been a great support to him these last few days." "I did my best. You know I was surprised that he didn't back away and tell me to butt out." "You aren't the only one. He froze Ed out when he tried to talk to him. It's a testament to how much he's come to trust you." Walter smiled at her words. "It isn't one sided, Dana." Was his slightly embarrassed comment. "Well I'm going to see how they're coming with the car. See you later. Oh, and by the way, you do us a favor and keep our little girls as Meg calls them till after we move into the new house? "Sure," smiled Dana...."truth is, I think Fox is going to miss those puppies more than he let's on although it was a relief when Jen and Amy each took one." As he returned to the garage out back she smiled to herself. Walter was an astute judge of people. Where Ed had tried to get Fox to talk about his 'feelings' Walter had opened up and talked about his own. Later that evening Fox had gone upstairs to put Brenda to bed and Dana was finishing up nursing her son when Thing growled at the door. She got up and peaked out the front door to see Walter coming up the stairs. Opening it before he could knock she smiled at him. "I'm on my way to pick up Meg at the new house and I left my briefcase here last night. I need to go over some files tonight." "Fox was going to bring it in the morning. It's in the living room." She pointed at it over by the couch. He nodded and went to get it when they heard Fox coming down the stairs. "Hey, Shorts, is Wally Wolf done at the tap? It's his bedtime. Little Bren is out like a light." Skinner stood up and turned to look at Mulder an unreadable expression on his face. Fox stopped cold in the door an, "Oops" slipping out of his mouth. Dana gave him an I told you so look and handed over Wally Wolf. "I've got something to do in the kitchen, Fox." As Dana left she heard Skinner's voice. Very firm, very stern. "Mulder." "A... I'm... Ah gee I can call him anything I want. I think it's cute..." At his father-in-laws stern look his voice faded off. "It sounds like a character in the Winnie the Pooh books I'm reading to Little Fox." "I think Wally Wolf is cute." As what Skinner had said sunk in Fox looked up from contemplating his feet and grinned. "I know you think Little Squirt is a child prodigy but reading to him?" Now it was Skinner's turn to check out the walls, rather than meet his son-in-law's amused eyes. "I know he's a little young but he likes to hear my voice. It helps him go to sleep when he's restless. Especially in the middle of the night." He finally met Fox's eyes and grinned. "No one and I mean no one at the Bureau better hear about Wally Wolf." Fox smiled at him and nodded, "They won't hear it from me. Promise. Hey, Dana, Walter's getting ready to take off come say bye." "Well you still have your head and other body parts," at this she paused and gave him the once over letting her gaze linger on certain private areas. "I guess this means you did some fast talking." "Hey you call him Wally Wolf, too." Dana just grinned. "Anyway we made a deal. I can call Little Mulder Wally Wolf provided I don't do so at the Bureau." He grinned over at Skinner. "Right, Walter." Skinner smiled and nodded. He found it flattering that not only had Fox named his son Steven after him but now he'd nick named him Wally Wolf. As a thought occurred to him he asked, "Does Meg know about this?" Dana Scully Mulder suddenly found the walls, ceiling and carpeting fascinating. Fox elaborated. "Dana slipped day before yesterday when she was talking on the phone to Mom. She said that Mom had to hang up she was laughing so hard." "One of these days, Mulder, one of these days." "Mom thinks it's cute." "I just bet she does, Scully. I'll see you tomorrow, Mulder. Try not to piss Cranston off, tomorrow at the meeting." At Fox's smile he shook his head. Walter thought to himself as he headed home. =========================================================================== Disclaimers part one Ghosts From The Past By Macspooky and Eowyn Chapter 2 "Together We Stand" A Week and a half later Smoke filled the AD's office. Walter Skinner had about decided that he didn't give a damn how cold it was in mid-March he was going to open the f**king window. The SOB before him was up to something because there had been too many damned meetings of late. Walter was beginning to feel like a one legged man lived upstairs and that other shoe was never going to fall. He sighed and called come in when there was a knock on the door. His assistant came in and shut the door behind her. She looked a little discomforted. "There is a woman to see you sir." Skinner raised his eyebrow. From the look on his assistant's face this was something out of the ordinary. "I'm busy in a meeting now. Ask her to come back later." "I told her that sir but well she... She said it was an emergency and that she needed to see you and that to tell you she needed to tell your fortune." "What does she look like?" At this question Angela rolled her eyes. "She looks to be in her fifties or sixties but she has bright blue grey hair, permed. She's wearing the strangest color of purple suit that I've ever scene and she's about five seven or five eight. Stands very straight and her eyes are very sharp. I normally wouldn't disturb you but..." "It's okay Angela. Give me five minutes and then show her in." He looked pointedly in the direction of his visitor. His assistant realized that meant give him time to get rid of the SOB. She nodded and left. He turned to the other man. "This woman sometimes babysits for me and I wouldn't want to upset her. She's a very good sitter and my wife would be very upset if we lost her." Nothing like telling the literal truth, no need to give away her relationship to Fox since she had been so careful to hide it. "Would you mind if we broke for about half an hour?" Cancerman stood up and nodded. He left but only to go into the connecting office interested to hear what he could. As Fox's Aunt Sophia was shown in Walter was aware that something was different about her. She appeared less ditzy than normal but much more upset than he had ever seen her. She didn't bother with pleasantries. "Do you know where Mulder is?" "Yes he went up to..." "I know where he is. Why did you let him go?" "I don't understand? A dying relative is reason enough for some leave time." "Look, Mr. Skinner, I don't know how much Mulder has told you but he is in no way shape or form up to facing that old bastard alone. I'm not up to facing him without a knife in my hand, and I've had a lot more experience." "From what Mulder said the man's over ninety and his health has been failing for sometime. I assume that his grandfather want's to straighten things out with him before he dies." "That old bastard doesn't' give a damn about anyone or anything except of what use they can be to him. He used his children as pawns and he'll use Fox as a pawn if you let him..." "I don't know what you think I can do and Mulder is quite capable of handling himself." "Normally yes, but the old bastard has been manipulating him and everyone else for a long time. I don't know what he has in mind but whatever it is it will hurt Fox." Sophia began to pace the office talking almost to herself. "I'd get Dana to go but she's got the children to think of and I don't think her support is really what he needs. She's a woman and the SOB won't respect her... He needs you there. You've got to go up there with him and be there for him." "It's not any of my business and I wasn't invited..." She interrupted him before he could finish. "Look I don't know what he's up to. But whatever it is will harm Fox! I know that. Absolutely! I wish I could give you more but I can't, all I know is that it's imperative that you get up to the Cape ASAP. Please. You'll regret it if you don't." With that she turned and flew out of the room. Walter sighed to himself... Cancerman sat in the other room. He took several long puffs on his cigarette his mind lost in thought. Half an hour later Walter Skinner and the man known as Cancerman were back in their meeting. The AD looked up from a file they were discussing to find the smoking man again distracted. That was three times in fifteen minutes. "Would you like to postpone this meeting until later?" Cancerman came back from wherever his mind was slowly. "Yes. Perhaps that would be best." He got up gathered his papers and started to leave. He turned at the door to Skinner's office. Almost against his will he started to talk. At first Skinner was confused, then as he realized the meaning behind the other man's words he felt a coldness grip him. "That woman... William Mulder Senior. I've never met a colder crueler man. He uses people. If he's sent for Fox Mulder it's not for the boy's good." He turned to leave. Skinner's voice stopped him. "Is this altruism on your part." A cold smile crossed the other man's face before he answered. "You never knew where you stood with Liam Mulder. He'd smile and hug you one day and order your execution the next. It would be my bet that he wants to settle all those real and imagined grudges that he's kept hidden over the years and now that he's dying he wants to release vengeance. He'll use Mulder to reek that vengeance." "Mulder wouldn't do..." "The old man is a master manipulator. He'll make it seem that the only way to achieve justice is his way. He's played with the boy's mind most of his life... And no it's not altruism on my part. For all I know I may be on the list." He raised his eyebrows at the AD turned and walked out the door. Walter Skinner tried to ignore what Sophia and Cancerman had said to him. But the voices kept interrupting his thoughts... He's been manipulating him all his life... his father was cold and distant... the old man will use him for vengeance... settle the scores... justice... truth... Dad... "Walter? Walter!" He shook himself and looked up at his wife. "What's wrong? Something is bothering you." Meg was worried. She had rarely seen her husband like this. The last time was when they thought that Fox had been killed in New Mexico. "Dear, the Scully brigade can handle things just fine. The McBride's are going to watch the kids while the kids help me move. Except of course for Dana who is going to be in charge of food and errands. I'm sure we can get along just fine without you." Walter sighed and nodded wondering if the whole thing was an attempt to get him out of their hair. He was sure that by this time tomorrow he was going to feel like a prized idiot but if today was anything to go on he wouldn't get any work done anyway from thinking about it. "Would you call and get his grandfather's retirement home address from Dana. Try not to let her worry. Tell her I have business in the area or something and then can you get me on the first shuttle up to Boston? I'm going to go pack for a couple of days, just in case." He gave his wife a long kiss hoping that after her last follow-up visit with Amy they could again resume relations. He missed her that way. He grinned remembering the ration of shit Fox had given him the other day when he had caught him buying a box at lunch. "Counting the days, Wally?" Skinner had learned a few things about dealing with his son- in-law over the last year and one of those was to give as good as he got. "You're just jealous, Mulder. You've got weeks to wait." Mulder had grinned at him rather like the Cheshire cat. In theory, they had awhile to wait, but he wasn't about to tell Wally about how his wife had literally jumped him the night before, slapped a foil packet in his hand, and told him exactly what he could do with it. He had argued of course that the babies were only three weeks old, but not too hard since she had seemed rather desperate... yeah right... for her sake... he hadn't argued too hard. Hell, she'd grabbed the damn package and snapped that latex on so quick, he'd barely had time to argue. Good thing too. The babies had just been having a catnap. Walter had looked at him and said in a stern tone, "Mulder." Fox had looked embarrassed and replied, "Hey it wasn't my idea." At Walter's skeptical look Fox had shrugged and his voice sounded just like a teenagers when he said. "Honest, Dad, she seduced me." Walter had looked at his son-in-law in disgust but opted to remain silent, telling himself that it wasn't a race about who got to sleep with their wife first. __________ The old man talked on. His mind still sharp but his body was quickly failing. He knew the boy was listening, and although somewhat hostile to him, would still do as he wanted. He had too. It was his last chance for revenge against those bastards who had taken his project away claiming he was too old... Him... too old... even the obedient one, little bastard... breathing cigarette smoke in his face and telling him he was too old. Who had started the project? Who had made the money to fund it in it's early stages? Who had supplied the eggs and initial material? Yeah Bill's son would do exactly what he wanted. All it would take would be a few more hours. The boy was more resistant than he had expected. Must be that damned new wife, but still he was beginning to weaken. Soon he would be his, the old man thought with contempt. This one wanted to be... needed to be loved... and that could always be used. Liam Mulder would have his final vengeance and if his grandson was jailed or died in the process, well he'd never liked the stupid bitch his son had married anyway. Damn kid had made the same mistake he had... had not married decent breeding stock... produced week offspring. Well, for him it hadn't mattered. He'd never been one for putting all his eggs in one basket, and he had had a daughter who had been strong willed... yeah... to bad that bitch Sophia hadn't been a boy, but she had served her purpose in the project. Fox Mulder felt worn out. First his mom and now the old man. God, the sight of the man disgusted a part of him knowing what he had done to Aunt Sophia, but he couldn't help himself, couldn't help finding himself feeling twelve again and a failure. He never could do anything right. Mom was supposed to be better but she seemed to have fallen back into her old gloom and doom habits and she couldn't seem to stop looking at him like he was going to develop a second head or something. The birth of his son seemed to have shaken her. Now this, facing this man... He thought in desperation. But he needed to find out what the old man knew, and his heart was failing fast. Aunt Sophia thought he knew something, Gran had been suspicious, hell he would bet even Cancerman thought the old bastard knew something. He caught himself, The old man talked on. "What price would you pay, Young Fox, for justice? If you seek truth there is always a price. Your father knew that boy. Do you? Or are you a wimp that expects something for nothing? Do you know how to fight, boy?" "Of course, Grandfather." That famous word... wimp... "You sure, boy." Fox found himself slipping into the old patterns of his youth. He'd never been able to please his father and since he couldn't please his father then his mother wasn't satisfied because she got blamed for his failures. It was his fault his father yelled at his mother, his weakness that led to Samantha's abduction. Fox had never been able to please the old man before him either. As a psychologist, he knew clinically exactly what was occurring here, but he felt almost helpless in the presence of this old man. He felt again like the screw up he had been told he was as a child. No adult who he had cared about had ever thought him good enough. His body sagged, his shoulders slumped, head started to bow. He tried to reach inside for the strength to resist but he'd spent his entire childhood listening to these messages and he didn't know how, couldn't seem to muster the strength to fight. The old man thought to himself that he had him now, when a stranger walked into the sitting room. "Hey, you, now. What do you want? This is private?" The tall man simply nodded at the old man and walked up behind Fox Mulder and briefly squeezed his shoulder. Fox straightened, turned and looked up into Walter Skinner's face. "Sorry I'm late, Fox. My business in Boston kept me longer than I'd planned." Skinner held out his hand to the old man and said. "You must be William Mulder, Fox's grandfather. I'm Walter, his father-in-law. Told him I'd join him and help him set the house in order after the tenants moved out." Fox was stunned. Walter had moved over behind his grandfather to get a chair and as Mulder looked up into his face again, he was startled by the expression there. So many emotions conveyed with a single smile. Compassion, strength, acceptance, and love. As Walter moved the chair over beside Fox his expression again became neutral and almost stupid? Well if not stupid, then blank. Special Agent Fox Mulder remembered again his training and who he was, no longer was he the little boy who had failed everyone but a man determined to get the truth. The old man couldn't pinpoint what had happened or exactly when but he had lost his grandson. That was the only thing that he'd ever liked about the boy was that he appeared to have inherited his smarts from his grandfather. Liam Mulder began to get irritated. He hadn't worked so hard all his life rising from the son of an itinerant farmhand in Ireland to millionaire status... he hadn't worked to shed every ounce of his hated accent and found his own corporation and initiated scientific investigation into genes before anyone else, only to lose now. He cursed silently. He would not lose. He simply would not. He couldn't get the boy to do what he wanted, couldn't get him to feel like the failure he was. He needed him to want to prove himself to him so that he would wreck vengeance on his enemies, but every time he seemed to be making head way young Fox slipped away again. For another half hour after Walter Skinner arrived the game was joined, but the old man knew he had to be very careful what he said now. This man was an outsider. He became more subtle, even a bit friendly, almost loving. For the most part Walter's mere presence was support enough to fight off the old bastard's tricks but every now and then if one hit too close to home Walter would say or do something that appeared stupid or off the wall and Mulder would look startled and come out of the blue funk that had started. Finally the old man claimed that he was tired and told Fox to come back tomorrow. He sounded almost whiny. The implication being not to bring his father-in-law but Walter, after having watched the old bastard, wasn't about to let Fox face him alone. The man was purely vile and knew every button to push. He must have been the one Fox had gotten his brains from because he was way ahead of them on several occasions. The only thing that had saved them was that he had been out of the game so long that his talents were rusty. So in the end they had gotten more out of him than they had given up, although it hadn't been much. They had won the round, but just barely. They walked side by side out of the retirement home each lost in his own thoughts. Walter was carrying his overnight bag which he had stashed behind the entry desk. "So I take it you didn't drive or rent a car?" Fox asked. "No I caught the train out of Boston. Much quicker at that time of day. Getting a taxi from the station to here was the hard part." "I don't recall inviting you. Maybe I should just leave you here?" Fox felt very shaken and started to take some of his anger out on Walter. Walter threw his bag in the trunk that Fox had opened for him. He turned to face his son- in-law knowing full well that he had every reason to be angry and not wanting to say anything that would hurt him further. "So I take it you would have preferred me to mind my own business and not come interfering." Walter's tone was unemotional, very cool. But Fox remembered the look he had given him when he had first come into the retirement home. And something... a wall so high and solid that it had never come down since the day his father beat him with a two by four, finally gave way and he spoke the truth from his heart shocking both himself and Walter. "I've never been so glad to see anyone in my life. I don't know why you came but I'm glad you did." He grabbed his father into a brief hug before pulling away and going around to unlock and open Walter's door and then doing the same for his own. "I'm staying at my dad's house, would you like to stay there with me, go to a hotel or my mom could put you up. Very luxurious, her place. I stayed there last night." "At your dad's with you if it won't put you out too much. I thought you were going to sell the place?" "The housing market was down and I didn't need the cash so the estate attorney recommended that we rent it out for a year or two until the market picked up, or maybe keep it as a rental property. The tenants moved out last month and I've been too busy to decide if I want to keep it or sell it. So I had all the boxes that I'd had packed and put in storage moved to the house to go through some this weekend. It won't be much of a break. Sure you don't want to go to a hotel?" Skinner decided that if Fox could open up a little so could he, "I'm not here for a break I'm here for you." Fox gave him a side long glance as he drove, quietly accepting his friend's words. "How did you know I needed you? I didn't even realize that I was in trouble until you walked in the door." "You're not going to believe this." At Mulder's skeptical look he laughed, "Yeah, I know you believe a lot of things but Cancerman's the reason I came." "Now that I do find hard to believe." "I was in a meeting with him when Sophia showed up. He went into the other office but apparently listened. She was very distressed, even for her. She was afraid of what your grandfather was up to." "Yeah she tried to talk me out of going but I'd been putting off talking with the old SOB for months and I knew time was running out." As a thought occurred to him he started to laugh. "You don't mean to say she showed up at the Bureau? Do you?" Skinner nodded laughing back. "She told Angela that she was my fortune teller and needed to talk to me. Didn't identify herself to anyone so don't worry, this won't add to your mystique but to mine. I swear, Angela thought one of your X-files had walked into the building. Has your aunt always been this flamboyant?" Fox laughed, "She's gotten worse with age but she's always been a bit eccentric. So what did Cancerman have to do with it?" "Well after she left we started our meeting back up but he couldn't concentrate so we called a halt. As he was leaving he told me that your grandfather was one of the cruelest and meanest SOB's he'd ever known and that if he wanted to see you it wouldn't be in your best interests. He seemed to think that he was going to use you to exact vengeance on those he thought had wronged him." "So this was for my benefit?" The sarcasm dripped form Mulder's voice. "I didn't buy that either but his last comment was that he might be on your grandfather's hit list so it was self interest. That I could buy. You've gone after that smoking bastard before so I didn't figure it would be a stretch to get you started on him again. So did you get the feeling that that might have been what he was up to?" "You know now that you mention it. That could well have been what he was getting at." Fox was silent for awhile replaying the conversation between him and the Liam Mulder before Walter had shown up. "He asked me if I was a good shot..." "What was with you in there, Mulder? What was he doing to you?" "Playing on some old memories, but they are long gone now." Walter let the subject drop knowing that it wouldn't do to push Fox. He'd talk when and if he wanted to, and from everything he'd heard Fox probably wouldn't talk at all. They drove on to the ferry to Martha's Vineyard in silence. =========================================================================== Disclaimers part one Ghosts From The Past By Macspooky and Eowyn Chapter 3 "Haunted" They stopped and picked up Fox's things at his mother's before going on to Fox's dad's house. He could tell that his mother had not been happy to see Walter but wasn't quite sure why, though of course she was the ever gracious hostess. For his own part Fox was glad to have Walter along since his mother didn't seem to harp on all the negative stuff while he was around. Ruth had invited them to stay for lunch and they had accepted. The conversation ranged over his mother's classes, how his little sister's were doing in school and what college they would attend in the fall. The girls wanted to go to Georgetown in DC but his mother and Ed were pushing hard for Wellesley, Yale or Harvard.. Suddenly in the last couple of weeks they had been talking about totally unacceptable schools such as University of Chicago, Northwestern, Sanford and UCLA. His mom had been horrified at the thought of her daughters half way or clear across the country. Fox suspected that this was his sister's way of getting to attend Georgetown. Washington, DC where their brother lived suddenly sounded not near so dangerous as clear across the country with no relatives near by. "It's too late to apply to most of these school for fall admittance anyway, Mom, so there isn't any need to worry." "That's what Ed and I thought but it seems that Amy and Jennifer have applied to over twenty-five schools across the country and with their grades and SAT scores have been accepted by all of them." Walter thought he might offer a suggestion. "Did they apply to William and Mary in Virginia? That would be close to DC and their brother but not in the middle of a large city. It might be a good compromise." Ruth looked up startled. She wanted to reject the idea outright, she was very jealous of Walter's relationship with her son but the idea had it's merits. Closer to home would have been preferable but in Virginia near Fox would be better than those awful California schools. "I'll talk to Ed and we'll look into it, Walter. Thankyou for the suggestion." "It's a good school and I think you'll like it." "That's a good idea. You want me to talk to them later and see if they might be interested, Mom?" "Let me talk it over with Ed first but then, yes, maybe that would help. They seem to listen more to you than they do their own parents. They just hand on every word your wife says... take it as gospel." His mother's voice began to take on that whining quality that so grated on his nerves. Little alarm bells went off... not Dana... but your wife.... what the hell was going on now? Fox looked over to see that Walter had finished and spoke. "Well, Mom, I've got at least thirty boxes to go through this weekend, grandfather wants to see me again tomorrow and I'm supposed to be back at work Tuesday so we'd better get started. I really don't want to put anything back into storage. It either gets given away or I'm going to ship it to DC." "Are you sure you don't want my help, Fox?" The offer was half hearted at best, the last thing she felt up to facing just now was going through Bill's things but it irritated her that Walter was up here helping. She didn't understand why Fox had invited him and why someone as important as Walter would take the weekend to help her son go through his father's things. Bill had always told her that when you worked for the government your job had to come first. But then, maybe that was a lie too.... He had left her alone much of the time to raise the two children. She'd had servants but that wasn't the same. Even Ed who dearly doted on his two daughters was a very busy man. Ruth Mulder Tillot was as sensitive as her son but not as insightful. She knew there was something about Walter Skinner's relationship with her son that was bothering her but couldn't figure out what it was. She decided that she would have to talk to her counselor about it. Maybe together they could figure it out. Lately she really had been confused. Seeing Fox standing over the crib looking at little Patrick had brought back so many painful memories... memories she thought she had dealt with... and that Dana... such a know it all... never confused... thinking that it was so easy to just unconfuse yourself... What could she know? How would she know what it was like to lose your baby girl, to wait and wait and have her never come home.... She had tried to love Dana. She really had. She had tried to help with the babies... and the woman had just yelled at her. That had really hurt. She'd been trying to express her feelings and... well, Dana had just gotten annoyed. Thirty boxes can either go very quickly or very slowly. Most of these were the slow variety. They'd found the bedding and towels without too much trouble and the kitchen boxes had been well marked. Besides they planned to order take out for most of the food and had only bought the bare necessities, such as milk, coffee and sun flower seeds at the store. They had a place to sleep and something to eat with. Skinner found himself laughing at Mulder's childish habit. He could still remember the agent who took over the wire tap detail from Mulder swearing that the agent he relieved must have a parrot because no human could consume that many seeds. The man obviously didn't know a bored or nervous Mulder, Skinner thought to himself. Right now Mulder was working up quite a pile. Walter wondered how much he and Dana argued about it. Dana was decidedly a neatnick, a trait she had apparently gotten from her military father, although Margaret kept a lovely home. It occurred to Walter that to Fox, this house was probably haunted. If it hadn't been, he would have been a fool to sell it. It would have made a wonderful summer home. Walter had the easy job. He went through the household stuff and listed it down, re- boxed it a more orderly manner and moved it into a stack to be donated. Anything he had doubts about, he put in a separate box for Mulder to look at later. He found it ironic that whether he was here or at home he would be going through boxes, packing up and unpacking. From his last conversation with Meg, she wasn't missing him at all. Well she wasn't missing his help in the move. Personally was another matter and her words brought a smile to his face. The Scully's apparently had moving down to an art and his presence would interfere with the artistic process. It seemed that he was too detailed and orderly in some areas and not detailed enough in others. Well she had promised that he could unpack his own office so he wasn't too concerned about the rest of it. Actually he was glad that she was assuming the responsibility because he hated moving. It made him grouchy. Meg had asked how Fox was doing and Walter had replied fine, which was true now. He didn't tell her that Sophia had been right about the old man and that his presence had been needed by Fox. No sense in worrying her, unnecessarily. He was here now and would ride this out with his son-in-law. Fox had been quiet most of the afternoon. He seemed to appreciate having someone there with him to go through the boxes but he didn't appear to want to talk much. He was lost in thought most of the time and a sadness had settled over him. Walter didn't pry. He remembered how hard it had been, even with his sister's help, to go through all of his mother's things and pack them up to save or donate to charity. And his mother's death had been natural. Fox had been putting this off almost two years now and Walter knew it had to be hard to face all these memories. Even for someone who worked with violence on a daily basis losing a loved one to murder was still traumatic and painful and that didn't take into account all the other baggage that had gone on at the time. He also realized that Fox missed Dana terribly. The younger man was never quite complete when she was not around. Sometimes it seemed almost as though, in spite of the fact that their relationship was not always easy, they were soulmates.. one not whole without the other, an idea which he would have debunked entirely if he had not been married to Annie all those years. For ten years after she died he'd felt incomplete, a part of his soul had been missing, then he had walked into Scully's hospital room and found it. Walter Skinner knew that he was a lucky man to have found two such wonderful women in his life. Finishing taping up the box he was working on, Walter stood up and stretched. The work wasn't hard but it was tedious. Boxes had been packed rather haphazardly by whoever had been hired by the estate. He looked around the room. Not much to show for a life and very little of a personal nature. Fox had paid to keep the phone hooked up for these few days and had rented the house furnished. Walter was glad for these facts because it would allow them to stay at the house and work late into the evening. Hopefully they could get most of it done tonight and Saturday, leaving Fox some time on Sunday to spend with his mom and sisters, after the meeting with the old SOB of course. His companion hadn't said any more about it but Skinner hoped to broach the subject over dinner so that they could plan a strategy for getting more information out of him. As Walter was opening another box and considering possible interrogation approaches, Fox stood up suddenly and spoke for the first time in over an hour. "I need some fresh air. I'll be back." He practically ran out the door. His father-in-law looked up and debated following him but decided to give him some space. Forty-five minutes later dusk was fast approaching and there had been no sign of Mulder's return. It was getting cold out and Mulder had run out in jeans and a short sleeve t-shirt. Walter was getting worried. He finished the box he was working on and then went over to where Fox had been working and looked down. It didn't take a genius to see why he had gotten upset. A photo album was opened about mid-way through. Walter turned to the beginning and began to leaf through. At first it appeared to be a normal family but as he turned the pages Walter realized that almost all the pictures looked posed, formal. There were very few candid shots and everyone of those appeared to have been taken by Fox. Skinner wasn't sure how he knew it, but he did. One of his mom, one of his dad and several of a young girl that Skinner recognized as Samantha. And finally one of a young boy. The picture wasn't composed very well. If Walter had to guess he would bet that it had been taken by Samantha. The perfect picture album of a perfectly normal family on the surface but it was all illusion. Even the short look that Skinner took through the album told him that this wasn't a real family, especially when he compared it with the Scully albums he had seen. They had been full of warmth and love of people living and caring for each other. This album was pure image and with the exception of the half dozen pictures taken by the boy Fox and the one by Samantha there was no life or love in the album. Another thing that astonished him was just how much the infant Fox looked like a single baby picture of Bill, and how he looked like Patrick... identical... three generations. Cancerman had been right about the child's physical appearance when he had shown up at the hospital that day. Perhaps that was a part of what was bothering Fox, and his mother... too many bad memories represented in that one tiny body, a body that looked so much like Fox and his father. About two thirds of the way through the album the pictures stopped. The last pages had only contained formal school portraits of Fox Mulder. The last one appeared to be his college graduation picture. Again, the resemblance to a younger Bill Mulder was astonishing. The rest was blank. Walter Skinner wondered about the man Bill Mulder was and could have been. A couple of hours with Fox's grandfather coupled with what Sophia said gave Skinner a pretty clear picture of how Bill Mulder had been raised. He felt sorry for the man who had missed out on the life of his son, whose whole life could be reduced to a precious few boxes of personal effects that weren't all that personal. Walter Skinner shivered at the thought of how close he and Fox had come to just such a life. If it hadn't been for Margaret and Dana... but they were there, and crying babies, crazy family and all he wouldn't trade it for the world. He checked his watch as he looked outside. Still no sign of Fox and it would be dark soon and it was definitely getting cold. He went to the thermostat and turned up the heat, then grabbed a sweatshirt and a down jacket for Fox. Putting on his own heavy clothes, he headed out to look for his straying agent. The beach was only a short walk away and Walter headed towards it. Somehow he knew that that was where Fox would be. He found the younger man sitting on the remains of an old set of stairs looking out to sea. His son-in-law didn't lookup or speak as Walter approached. But Walter was sure that he knew it was him. Sitting down quietly a couple of steps behind him he handed him first the sweatshirt to put on and then the jacket. Mulder turned back and gave him a disgusted look but did as he was silently told. They sat, looked out at the sea and said nothing as the light started to fade. Fox Mulder then gave Walter Skinner and himself one of the biggest surprises of both their lives. He started to talk about what his life as a child had been like. Never before had he told anyone about it... not really... not in any kind of detail and definitely not about how he felt about it all. Hell, he'd avoided most of his adult life even thinking about the pain associated with his childhood. But suddenly right now he needed someone to listen... not just someone but Walter Skinner... a good friend who would not pity him, and never repeat what he had been told, and so Fox talked... and Walter Skinner listened. "Nothing I did was ever good enough for my father. Only once in my entire life did he ever tell me he was proud of me and that was the night he was killed. He was proud because I'd kept my politics my own and hadn't fallen into the trap he did. Something to be proud of, huh?" Sarcasm dripped from his voice. "I'd say that was one thing to be proud of, Mulder." "You know I was first in my class both in high school and college, I played on two state championship basketball teams in high school, was the leader of our state championship debate team, won several academic scholarships and so many academic awards that I couldn't keep count. My teacher's throughout school were always praising me for my intelligence and diligence studying but he never once gave me a word of praise for anything I did. "I can count the times in my life that he hugged me on one hand and still have a few free fingers. And, mom, she would never stand up to him. Sometimes she'd whisper to me that I'd done good, but she was always careful not to let him catch on. He'd beat me... no not bad and I wouldn't even call it abuse... at least not the kind that kills kids.... yeah, I know what you've probably heard and you're thinking that I'm just not willing to admit it but until after they took Samantha it wasn't quite abuse. Then it slipped over into child abuse but before that, well it was strict and hard and frequent, but it never did more than sting for a little while. Even when he used the belt it didn't raise welts, a few red marks maybe but they would fade quickly. He was careful. The physical wasn't the worst part for me... for me it was never being good enough. He constantly criticized everything I did. Lazy, stupid, wimp, irresponsible... over and over and over. And he wasn't the only one. By her very silence mom seemed to agree and... "That old bastard in the nursing home... you know what his nickname for me was? The illegitimate brat. Samantha he mostly ignored. Females weren't worth bothering about. You know I have a feeling that's why she was taken instead of me. Grandfather thought I might be useful to him down the line but he didn't consider Samantha to be worth much. To this day I don't know whose choice the abduction was and if it was me or her that my father wanted to keep. I keep hoping that he chose to keep her and that the old bastard overrode the decision. I could forgive Dad almost anything except him letting them take her and leave me..." Walter held his silence. He knew that Fox wouldn't appreciate the thoughts that were running through his father-in-law's head at the moment. He couldn't help but be glad that he had Fox Mulder in his life and he didn't want to imagine a life without him or what might have been done to him if he had been the one abducted. He had never known Samantha. "You want to know what's really pathetic and sad about it all... and why I loved my father?" He turned to look at Walter for the first time his eyes full of pain... a pain so deep that he'd never been able to release it with tears. "Underneath it all I knew he loved me and was doing the best that he could. As he beat me in that damned drunken rage I knew it was himself he was beating, himself he hated... I wanted to hate him but I couldn't because I could sense that deep down underneath it all was a darkness and pain that he could never get out of. His soul was buried so deep and in such darkness that no one could reach him. He was so very alone. Mom wasn't a companion but another dependent. I know he chose her but she never stood by his side. Not like Dana stands by me. God, even now, Walter, I feel so sorry for him. Every time I hold my son and love him... everytime I touch Dana... and our daughter our beautiful daughter... I realize just what my father missed out on." He turned to look at Walter briefly and ask, "Did you look at the album?" At Walter's nod of yes he continued. "It was so empty... so hollow... no depth... He tried so hard to make it real but it was all illusion and in the end it slipped through his fingers like sand... like so many grains of sand... I feel so sorry for him and so lucky... so very lucky..." His voice faded and broke on the last word and he began to cry into his hands. His heart breaking. Walter who was sitting a couple of steps up was wondering what to do when Fox leaned his head against his father-in-law's knee and held on to his calf. Walter touched his head briefly amazed at Fox's willingness to let him in and at the depth of his caring and understanding of the man who had hurt him so. The tears didn't last very long. They subsided slowly, but Fox didn't move for a long time. He was like a little kid holding on for dear life to a favorite stuffed animal for comfort. He began to talk again, this time about himself. "I'm so scared of ending up like him. There have been a few times... not many thank God... but a few that I've been awful that way to Dana. It scares me how vicious and cruel I can be and how manipulative. Just like that old bastard with me earlier today. Withdrawing my love and approval so that I can get what I want... even about little things. Do you remember the trip the amusement park? The one you and Mom cut out on?" He looked up and back and saw Walter smile. He managed a bit of a smile himself recalling the look on everyone's face when Walt and Meg had pulled out of that parking lot. "Smart move on mom's part not to expose you to that right away. Dana didn't want to go but I pouted until she gave in, then I go off with the rest of them and leave her stuck with all the babies because she doesn't like rides. You know it really irritated me when her family did that and there I was, using her just like the rest of them. But I'd never gone to one before and I wanted..." His voice faded again and he paused before continuing. "Since I found Dana, Mom and you," the 'and you' was said so softly that Walter could barely hear it, "I've spent the time trying to fill in all the pain and hurts and emptiness of a lifetime." He sat up and looked out at the sea again. "Kind of a futile endeavor, huh?" Walter wanted to take his son in his arms and hold him close but he refrained. He doubted Mulder would have appreciated it. They were males after all in this society, and that would have been unacceptable. Instead he squeezed his shoulder and left his hand resting there. "Fox, you can't make up for all you've lost. That's gone, and besides it's made you what you are today..." "Yeah a f**ked up mess." Walter shook him gently. "No, it's made you one of the most caring empathetic person's I've ever met, male or female. You got inside the minds of serial killers not because you are like them... yeah I know that's what you're afraid of but it's not true.. you've never been in any danger of becoming like them. Whatever the demons that occasionally come out they are all your own..." "That's supposed to be comforting?" "I'll get back to that later... The reason you can get into the mind of a killer so well is that you have a brilliant mind that can piece all the parts together and what separates you from the rest of the brilliant minds is that you can feel their pain, you understand the agony within them and that helps you predict their actions. It's a terrifying combination and I don't blame you for wanting out after awhile. The weight of all that pain must have become unbearable." Fox nodded. "The cases they put me on kept getting worse and worse... I knew that if I didn't get out soon that the pain would push me so far down in a hole that I'd end up killing myself in a few more years. I would have never been able to claw my way out. But I still have my own demons. And they are pretty horrible. You have no idea what I was like to Scully after the Phoenix case." "Oh, I've got a pretty good idea. I was the one who took care of her in the hotel room. Do you have any idea about how close you came to losing your babies? And I don't mean to that mad man in Arizona." Fox looked up confused and startled. "What do you mean?" "That flu that Dana had. The one I told you about in my office when you took a swing at me." At Mulder's nod that he remembered Walter continued. "Well one of the women in my sister's congregation had the same thing, she was a little farther along than Dana but she got severely dehydrated and that caused her to go into labor early and she lost her baby. Yours were twins, I don't have to tell you how much smaller they were and the likelihood of their survival that premature do I?" Fox nodded no horrified at the thought. And Dana hadn't said a word to him. Dana, his anchor.... the source of everything beautiful in his life "Dana wasn't trying to neglect herself she was just so sick that she couldn't think straight, By the time I got to her she could barely walk. So when I realized that she was on her own and how sick she was I called Amy and she prescribed something for the nausea. Dana was finally able to keep some fluids down, but I have a feeling that a few more hours..." His voice trailed, off and he knew that Fox was about to start beating himself up again. Well Walter wasn't going to allow that either. "Stop it right now, Fox." His voice and tone were an order. "I didn't tell you that so you could wallow in your guilt. You use that damn guilt to avoid changing. You need to accept responsibility and then figure out what you're going to do about it, not keep kicking yourself over the past." Fox looked up startled. He'd never realized it before but that was exactly what he did. By concentrating on the guilt he avoided the need to change. He didn't become a horrible human being too often but when he did.... "You would have made a pretty damned good psychologist yourself, Wally." "You can call me Wally from here to eternity but I'm not letting you distract me." A chagrined look appeared on Fox's face. "You can be a pretty brutal bastard yourself." "I didn't work my way up through the Bureau without learning a few things, Fox. Now the question is what are you going to do to keep your dark side in line?" "I don't know. I try, but it still slips out every now and then. This last time though, Dana got fed up. She was looking for apartments to leave me. Scared the shit out of me." "Scully will only put up with so much." "So I learned. I've really been trying since then." "I know. I can see the difference." "Can you? I keep thinking that maybe I'm succeeding but then that week with mom and Ed visiting... The way she kept looking at me. Oh, I wanted to thank you for what you did, running interference and all." Walter smiled at him and nodded. Fox continued, "Then today with grandfather... well I suddenly found myself back in that hole with no way out. If you hadn't shown up." Walter leaned forward and put his arm around his son's shoulder. "You have a family now. And although we can't change what is past we're here to help you out of that dark pit any time you fall back in. You don't even have to ask, Fox, we'll be there pounding on the walls as soon as we realize you're there. It'll take time but I know that you can do it. There are a lot of great family memories to make. Like the first time you forget to cover Wally Wolf's shooter and you get it between the eyes." "That happen to you yet with Little Fox? And I thought last summer would have taught you." "I refuse to comment on the grounds... Come on it's freezing out here and I'm hungry. What was that comment Scully made once? That's right... Why can't you ever have a mood someplace warm." Walter stood and reached down a hand to Fox and pulled him to his feet. They headed back to the late Bill Mulder's house. =========================================================================== Disclaimers part one Ghosts From The Past By Macspooky and Eowyn Chapter 4 "Exorcism" Dinner was Chinese take out that Fox had called and ordered and they had driven out to get. Walter had figured that Fox would want to put some distance between them after the scene on the beach but instead he seemed to not want to be alone. Too many painful memories Walter guessed. They ate quietly as they worked some more on the boxes. He'd been going to go back to working on the household boxes but Fox had called him over to look at some stuff of his father's and then started to talk. As he went through the box Fox talked about friends he had made during his time in New York with Aunt Sophia, and teachers and how they'd helped him with their support. "Each year there was a new one though. Nobody stayed around for long, although they would remember my name and say hi when they saw me in the hall at school. I got teased allot at first for being teacher's pet but then I developed a smart mouth and that took care of that. 'Course then I wasn't quite so popular with the teachers." He grinned over at Walter and Walter laughed. "I bet not. With your brains you probably had the class in stitches and drove the teachers to distraction. I still remember your telling me that one of your goals in the FBI was to find Elvis. Sheesh, Mulder, even back then you had big balls. All that practice came in handy for use against the Assistant Director." "Now that's not fair. You quit playing it straight first. I was very well behaved until you made that comment about Freeman, and implied that he lacked a certain part of his anatomy. I'd come to the same conclusion myself in his interview with me. You know it's your fault I joined the FBI. You misled me." "Now what the hell are you talking about? I never lied to you." "Yes you did. You led me to believe that there were people under those robot facades." "Now you're being caustic." "No I'm not. You're the exception, Walt. You really care about the job and making a difference. You stick to you're convictions no matter what danger it puts you in and you don't go around bullshitting people. I know that your career's important to you, but you've never sold out your beliefs to get ahead. And most of all you're willing to accept others for what they are and not try to make them fit into your mold." Walter was stunned. He felt very flattered. "When I worked in Behavioral for Patterson... I really wanted to please him. Hell I've spent my life trying to find a father figure that I could please." At Walter's startled glance Fox gave a sarcastic laugh. "I'd have to be a pretty poor psychologist to not recognize one of my own prime motivating factors, now wouldn't I? I've been looking for a father that would be proud of me since I could remember. Mine never could give me that. Anyway for awhile I thought Patterson might be that. But I couldn't make myself over into his image. I couldn't be like him and eventually when I saw the toll it was taking on him... Well I decided that I didn't want to be like him. He couldn't accept that, couldn't let me be myself, find my own way. He took my need to find a different path as rejection. You know I wasn't trying to be rebellious but if I got anything from my dad it was an independence to be myself. He beat me to make me a man but he never tried to make me fit some kind of mold. He let me find my own path. Skinner thought but he said nothing. Let Mulder have some good thoughts about his father too... It couldn't hurt. The man was, after all, dead." "Anyway with Patterson he couldn't handle that I wanted... needed to do it differently than he did. And the darkness of the job... it was taking it's toll on me so that when I found the X-files they were a way out. I didn't want to end up alone like Bill and my father. Course I ended up feeling like a failure, I'd let someone down who I looked up to." Fox sighed, "Again." Fox shook his head and went back to work on the box handing Walter stuff to either pack to DC, throw away or give to charity. "Fox, just because you don't do everything perfectly, doesn't mean that the people who care are going to stop loving you. You don't have to earn love, at least not that way. Real love... it's because of who you are, not what you can do for somebody, and that kind of love doesn't go away because you fight or disagree or don't live up to some unrealistic expectations. You're too hard on yourself... expect too much. Perfection isn't a requirement to be loved. "I broke my father's heart when I enlisted. He was terrified for me... imagine it... he'd already lost one son and here was his last one, stupid and arrogant enough to think he was invincible. But when I came back from Nam, my father hugged me hard and loved me. To this day I know the heart attack he had while I was over there shortened his life and worry about me contributed to that attack. But no matter what I did, what stupid mistakes I made, he never stopped loving me. Real fathers don't. You don't have to agree all the time just be willing to work through the differences." Fox smiled at Walter and continued on with his task. "I'll keep that in mind the first time Wally Wolf wants to stack the blocks his way..." he said with a chuckle. Walter had given him a lot to think about. Suddenly he couldn't wait to get home. After he hugged Dana, the first thing he was going to do was pick up little Wally Wolf and tell him he loved him, no matter what. They worked silently together until they came to an old wooden box at the bottom of the pile. Fox gasped when he opened it. Walter looked over his shoulder into a box full of awards and prizes that looked like they dated back to kindergarten or first grade. Blue ribbons, certificates of achievements, candid snapshots of both Fox and Samantha. And they were all carefully labeled in Bill Mulder's distinctive handwriting. Fox picked up each one carefully and studied them. He didn't notice the tears running down his face until Walter handed him his handkerchief. He looked up at his father-in-law in embarrassment, but before he could say anything Walter commented. He nodded towards the box of mementos and said, "I'd say that's the work of a proud father." Fox just nodded trying to collect himself. "Sorry I'm being such a wimp." "Fox, going through a late parent's effects is difficult even at the best of times and in the best of circumstances and you've got a lot of baggage to work through and an old bastard to face tomorrow. There isn't a thing wrong with crying." "Yeah right. I bet you do it all the time." "No, I was brought up in the same culture as you were where men didn't cry. So, no I don't cry very often. I did however cry when I helped my sister go through our mother's things and when my first wife died. Hell, when Annie died, I didn't even want to live anymore. The only thing that kept me going was knowing how hurt she would be if I didn't." "So the last time you cried was... what...? Ten... fifteen years ago?" Walter sighed. He really didn't want to get into this... he definitely didn't want to admit this to Fox Mulder. But shit the young man had opened himself so much today that he couldn't bring himself to shut him out. Fox wondered what Walt was thinking. He looked put out and like he didn't want to talk. "Hey, look, it's none of my business..." Walter interrupted. He didn't look at Fox but somewhere out the dark window as he said, "The last time I cried was when Scully came back from New Mexico and told me you were dead. I could see the devastation she felt, so I knew that she believed what she said. So I went through the motions for the rest of the day and went home and let go. "You don't have a corner on guilt. I felt like it was my fault that I couldn't get either of you to trust me, that maybe I could have done something. That I should have done something. And there was Scully, right in the middle of danger and she wouldn't let me near. It was the last thing I thought I could do for you and that was keep her safe and she kept me at arms length, kept shutting me out. I kept trying to catch her out of the office. Hell, Cancerman was constantly under foot with his minions and they were determined to crucify her and I couldn't find out what was going on and Margaret was busy dealing with her own and her daughter's grief. God that was one hell of a week." Walter rubbed the back of his neck in frustration and anguish over the memory. That week was one that he did his best to avoid thinking about. "That night when you walked in alive... Well I knew that I'd been given a second chance and I decided there and then that I didn't give a damn what it took. I was going to help you two even if it got me killed." He finally turned to look Fox in the eye. "I've never regretted that decision." Fox smiled, nodded and looked back down at the box. He didn't know what to say to Walter. It was comforting to know that they were on a two way street, however. "I'll have to show this to Dana. You know I'm torn between anger at him and pity for him. The pain he caused... the emptiness in my soul that it's taken me thirtyfive years to finally find someone to fill. I want to scream at him, 'How could you?' But then I realize how alone he was, how empty his life and I just feel sorry for him, and wish I could have somehow gotten through, somehow have shared with him some of the joy I've found." "That last night... did you reject him or accept his love?" "I was pretty drugged up, but I remember hugging him back and holding him as he died." "Well then I imagine that he knew that you loved him and that was enough." "I hope so. Look, let's call it quits for tonight. This was the last box of personal effects, so the others we should be able to knock out quickly tomorrow after we go talk to my grandfather. I want to get out of here and get some coffee or hot chocolate at this place I know. Used to hangout there during junior high and high school when I came back to visit. We can plan out our strategy for interrogating the old man. Although I must say you play the fool well, Walt. You even had me going for awhile there. Figured they must have cloned you with a dumb duplicator.." "I had to improvise but it seemed to work. He won't be as easy to fool tomorrow. He's as smart as you, very shrewd and very mean and he'll have had the night to think about things." "No shit. But we have an advantage. He hasn't changed much so I know him pretty well. I on the other hand have acquired a family and my strings can't be pulled as easily as before. The SOB has a temper, we can use that as a weakness. I'm sure that's where I got my vile temper from and if we turn the tables on him about mid-way in and let him see that he can't control me like he used to... well we've got to shake him up or get him to lose his temper but if he does I bet we can get information out of him. Let's go form a plan of attack." Walter nodded his agreement and said, "I could use some hot chocolate." They packed up the last box of Bill Mulder's personal things and headed out to the diner for a break. _______ He paced back and forth, chatted with the staff and other residents of the nursing home, and kept an eye on Fox and his grandfather from a distance. They had talked and debated until late last night at the diner but it had all come down to the realization that they stood the best chance of getting information out of the old man if Fox played along. Both had been reluctant but the old man's health was failing and this would probably be the last chance to get anything out of him and it was obvious that he knew something. The question was how much of what he said could be believed? Walter and Fox had discussed the previous visit and compared it with what Cancerman had said, they had reluctantly come to the conclusion that everything they learned was going to be suspect. It was all part of the old man's attempts to get Fox to settle the score for him. Still there might be enough truth in what he said to give them several leads, and if they could shake him up maybe even more would come out. So after having said good morning to Fox's grandfather, Walter had excused himself and watched and waited providing silent support to Fox. They had been lucky that the sun room which residents of the retirement home could reserve for family gatherings or business meetings had glass french doors on both sides. It would allow Fox to signal Walter when he was ready to turn the tables and it allowed him to look at Walter and gain strength when the old man's words got too close to home. Fox found that he hadn't even really needed to look at Walter, just the knowledge that he was there and with it the memory of Dana and his children was enough to counter the old bastard's criticisms and keep him from falling into the same old self condemning behavior. Fox had derived his own personal strategy. Whenever it was starting to get to him, he would focus his mind on the conversation he and Dana had had on the phone the night before. It had started with, "Hey, I miss you, Scully... talk dirty to me..." The old man had been particularly vicious today. He'd gone through all the old stuff leaving out everything he had done wrong of course, and had finally moved on to the death of his 'beloved' son. Thought Fox to himself. The SOB blamed his father's death on him and pointed out his failure to stop or even catch the killer. "Right there in the same house. Boy, your father deserves justice." Fox let his shoulders slump and his head bow. It wasn't hard, his grandfather's words still had the ability to sting, to play on the guilt that was so much a part of his nature even though he knew what the old bastard was up to. He glanced up briefly to see Walter sitting quietly in the other room reading some reports that he had brought along. He thought of Dana. His father-in-law glanced up briefly and nodded at him. Mulder felt the confidence behind that nod and fought off his demons.