TITLE: "Not a bastard by nature" AUTHOR: Kirsten Kerkhof * kirsten_xf@yahoo.com RATING: G CLASSIFICATION: Mulder-Scully Romance KEYWORDS: S R H SPOILERS: none DISCLAIMER: Not mine ... and I make no money from the story either ... TIMELINE: God knows. Definitely not Season 9! SUMMARY: FEEDBACK: Who are you kidding??? Mail me! At ARCHIVING: Gossamer I'll do myself, others, just drop me a line, 'kay? XxXxX I'm not a bastard by nature, really I am not. No, I've had to really work at it. Such a thing just doesn't come easily, you know, not even for me. Being tough and sometimes even down-right anti-social and rude can have its advantages -- and it can destroy some of the most precious things one has. Not that I would admit that in front of my men, of course. Only two days ago I came pretty damn close to destroying what is important to me. To be more precise, I very nearly chased my sister away from me forever. And for what petty, pathetic reason you might wonder? I'm ashamed to even confess it, but I just can't stand that partner of hers ... And she loves him ... I used to think that was Dana's problem, but of late I've found out that, as time has gone by, it has become my problem as well. Because she isn't going to change her mind just for me. And day before yesterday this problem almost reached the point of no return. Let me tell you first what happened on that particular day, after which I'll let you draw your own conclusions. I don't give a flying shit whether you agree with me or not -- I am a bastard after all -- but personally I am quite pleased with the outcome. It all started, as I've said, two days ago. It was Mom's birthday and, as I happened to be on leave, Tara and I decided that a birthday visit was way overdue and we just needed to drop in on the celebrations. Of course Dana was going to be there as well. It's a lot easier for a landlubber like Starbuck to visit Mom than it is for sailors like Charlie or me. So Dana's presence was no surprise. Only -- and this was a surprise -- this time she'd brought along her partner, Fox Mulder. And for those of you who are slightly less familiar with the situation between Mulder and Yours Truly, I don't quite agree with Dana's decision to fall in love with him. And that's putting it pretty damn mildly! I can't stand the guy. But in Margaret Scully's home all wars are put on a compulsory cease-fire, so I knew I had to try and be good. And I tried, really I did. One might even say that I very nearly amazingly succeeded. For the record, Mom's birthday was three days ago, the course of events described here happened on the day after. Just so you know. Anyway, I guess it was about three in the afternoon when I walked into the living room all by myself. Mom was in the kitchen and Tara was upstairs, trying her almightiest to get Mattie to take a nap. And with nothing to do and nowhere to make myself useful, I decided to escape into the living room. I stopped cold when I saw my baby sister in a tight embrace with that son of a bitch a.k.a. Fox Mulder. He had his arms around her waist and she leaned her arms around his neck. Their eyes and smiles spoke volumes. I must admit I lost some of my resentment on the spot, even when I wanted to do nothing more than get his hands off her. They just looked so goddamn happy together. Like they actually belonged together. They themselves, of course, did not notice me at first, engrossed as they were in each other. But then, for some reason or another, Mulder caught sight of me. And his smile just faded, just disappeared entirely. Instead it was replaced by something dark and grim. Dana must have noticed the change for she followed his gaze -- and saw me looking at them. Her smile, too, vanished and was replaced by a look that came pretty close to despair as she pressed herself tightly against her partner. I felt like the world's greatest ass-hole then and there. Not a single word had been exchanged, but the anger and aversion were tangible. There was no need for words, too much damage had been done in the past already. And I knew at that very moment that I was about to lose my sister if I wouldn't change quickly. And as frustrating and annoying as she might have been when we grew up, I love my baby sister too much to waste all that over the choice of a lover. Even if that lover has to be Fox Mulder. Feeling very depressed I left the room and joined Mom in the kitchen. She was cutting a cake. And with typical maternal instincts she detected something was wrong even without looking up from the cherry cheese cake she was dividing up. "Hey, honey, what's the matter?" I debated for a second whether or not to lie to her, but I couldn't. I just couldn't lie. "Mom, am I really such a jerk?" That did make her look up from her work. "What do you mean?" I shrugged slightly. "You know, when it comes to Dana and Mulder ..." She sighed, but didn't reply. It was enough of a reply to me, though, and it only served to make me feel even more miserable. I needed to tell her what had happened. She didn't answer right away when I'd finished my story. "You know, Bill," she said eventually, putting down the knife, "I cannot change your opinion of Fox. I wouldn't want to even if I could. But Dana chooses him, she's too much in love with him not to." I nodded. I'd figured as much. "I just can't understand her," I said. "Why she chooses him over all the other men in the world." "That is because no one knows him the way she does, not even I know him that well. And it seems to me that that exact same thing about him that enrages you has the power to enchant her ..." She looked at me compassionately. "I can't order you, honey, and I wouldn't want to do so either, but if you continue to put him down and challenge their relationship, you're going to lose the only sister you have left ..." I nodded. She was right and something needed to be done about all this immediately. I couldn't afford putting this off for any longer. "I'll go and talk to them," I answered. xxxxxxxxx I re-entered the living room to find Dana and Mulder on the couch watching TV. I couldn't help noticing that they looked perfect together. This time it was Dana who caught sight of me before Mulder did. "Go away, Bill, your presence is not wanted here," she said coldly. It hit me harder than a sledgehammer ever could. I shook my head. "I'm not here to fight," I said, "I'm here to apologise." That sure got their attention, I realised. "Apologise?" Dana said. I nodded and smiled. "Yes, but you'd better hear me out, Starbuck!" They both smiled. It helped me to gather courage for this. And courage I needed because I still had myself to convince of the truth of my words. "Dana, it's no surprise to either of you that I've never been very happy about you and Mulder, but ..." I watched her move closer to him. That possessive impulse again. I couldn't blame her. I took a deep breath. "Dana, Mulder would be the last guy I'd ever pick for you ... but I couldn't have picked a better guy myself." It did take a second or two for the words to register, but then a brilliant smile appeared on Dana's face as she looked at Mulder for his reaction. He, in turn, looked pretty baffled. Then she looked back at me, still smiling. "Thank you, Bill," she said. Nothing more, nothing less. It was enough to make me happy though. If I'd been inclined to such actions I might have waltzed out of the room. I didn't. I felt like doing it though. Wow ... So, that's my story. Was it smart, was it not, I don't really care what you think. It is strange though, isn't it? Personally I still have trouble trying to understand why I feel so good about them all of a sudden. I mean, it's almost as if I've given them my blessing to get married and have a couple of kids -- and never, in all the time that I have known Fox Mulder, would I have imagined myself as actually being happy about Dana loving him. Am I happy about it? I don't even really know ... But I do know that Mom was right and I've always known that she was -- I just didn't want to admit it -- and that is that Dana is smart and sensible enough to find the right guy to love her. I'm not Fox Mulder's biggest fan, he'll never be my favourite in-law, but no one expects me to feel that way and it's the last thing Dana would want from me. I see Dana and Mulder come up to the front door, they've been out doing a bit of shopping. They're holding hands -- how sweet -- managing to look truly adorable together. Dana spots me but this time the sight of me is greeted with a smile instead of a scowl, just before she turns to Mulder. And whaddya know, even he smiles -- albeit not as generously as Dana. But hey, it's more than I expected. I guess he thinks I'm a bit less of a bastard than I used to be. I'd better be careful. Gotta keep in practice. After all, I'm not a bastard by nature and God help me I might be losing the touch! FINIS Kirsten Kerkhof, The Netherlands 1 February 2002 (c)