From: macspooky@erols.com (Macspooky)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
Subject: Story Dana's Birthday No. 2 in "Generations" series
Date: 26 Jul 1995 10:19:09 -0400


Hopefully "Generations" got posted.  You should read that one first.

Well, here is another little piece about Dana Scully's family, in this
case her mother's clan.  I'm not very good at thinking up mysterious
paranormal cases, so I'm trying to do short things showing a little
bit about the character's lives outside the X Files.  This obviously
takes place after One Breath and Fire Walker but before my other story
A Wonderful Day.  Warning, although there isn't anything terribly
graphic in this, it does get a little raunchy.  Also, I'm sorry I'm
not very good at doing brogue's or I'd have done a better job with
Gran's little speech to Mulder.  All the usual disclaimers apply.  I'm
not intending to steal anything from anyone with a copywrite. I'm just
having entirely too much fun doing this instead of cleaning my house.
By the way, Siobhan is pronounced Shivaughn and is Gaelic for Joan,
Shelagh is Sheila and Sinead is pronounced Shinaide for those not
familiar with the Irish pop singer.  I have a son named Sean (Shawn)
and you wouldn't believe how many people pronounce it SEEN because
they apparently never heard of Sean Connery and 007!!!!!


A SPECIAL BIRTHDAY
             
                      by
                     
                      Macspooky
                  
     It had been a difficult day for Fox Mulder and he was glad to be
home.  He had a pizza and a six pack and was stretched out in front of
the television watching a basketball game.  The New York Knicks!
Peace!  Quiet! Skinner out of town for a week at a law enforcement
meeting!  Almost heaven.  Of course, the man hadn't been able to
simply leave.  Before he'd gone he'd made certain to call Mulder in to
chew him out for having fallen behind on his paper work yet again.
Jeez.  Just the thought made him twitch.  Fox Mulder hated being
chewed out.  He hated having his chain yanked.  He hated authority in
general.  He especially hated paper work.  Skinner managed to point
out that for awhile it had all been on time. He had insisted that if
Mulder had done it once, he could do it again.  Well, Jeez..he
couldn't just tell his boss that for awhile it had been great because
he'd had a nice young green partner who he could foist it off on.  She
hadn't known any better.  For awhile!  He couldn't do that anymore.
Dana Scully wasn't an idiot.  She'd wised up to his tricks.  Then
Skinner had admonished him that he'd better not get himself and his
partner in any more situations that required quarantine for a month at
full pay..  Field Agents were no good if they couldn't be in the
field....blah...blah...blah...He had left the office with a headache.
Now he didn't want to talk to anyone....well, not exactly....if Dana
were to call....

     The phone rang startling him out of his reverie.  He dropped his
pizza face down on the hard wood floor and knocked over the half
finished beer.
     "Shit...Mulder," he said grabbing the phone.
     "Nice way to answer the phone, Mulder," said a pretty red head.
     "Oh. Hi Melissa," he replied.  "Great," he thought, "Just who I
want to talk to.  A New Age Ditz Brain.  Happy Days."
     "I love you too," she replied hearing the antipathy in his voice.
She did not understand what her sister saw in this man.  There were
his drop dead gorgeous looks of course, but Dana wasn't sleeping with
him.  What good was a drop dead gorgeous guy if you weren't going to
sleep with him? "Oh well," she thought. "He's weird.  She's weird.
Maybe it was okay."
     "What can I do for you Melissa?" he inquired politely. "Nothing I
hope," he thought.
     "Well, you can come to my sister's birthday party Sunday at 1 at
Mom's," said Melissa.
     "Oh.  Gee..uh..Thanks Melissa, but I don't think I can make it,"
he said quickly.
     Fox hated family gatherings.  He never seemed to fit in.  He
couldn't handle the small talk.  They brought back too many memories,
memories of his own family gatherings, gatherings that had usually
ended with him embarrassed and unable to sit down.  When he was forced
to attend one, which was rarely, it was as though he were still
waiting, always waiting, for when his dad would take off his belt....
     "What?  Do you have a heavy date or something?" demanded the
woman.
     "Maybe," he replied wondering if he was in the middle of "The
Taming of the Shrew" today.
     "Well, cancel it."
     "I can't."
     "You know, I don't get you Mulder.  You spend every moment that
you can in the hospital with my sister when she's Veggie Woman, and
now you can't even take a few hours to come to her birthday party.
She almost didn't have the damn birthday, Mulder.  Remember?" said
Melissa. "My sister is going to be hurt if you don't come and so is my
mom."
     "Okay Okay," he sighed, "I'll be there.  And Jeez Melissa don't
make it sound like I don't care okay?  I'm just not good at parties.
I'll see you Sunday."
     "I'll be waiting with bated breath," she managed with only mild
sarcasm. "Bye."
     "Maybe," he thought. "I should take the damn phone off the hook,
or rip it out of the wall."
     He cleaned up the pizza and beer...more of less.. and realized
the basketball game had ended and he didn't know the goddamn score.
Damn.  Damn Damn.Then he laid back down on the couch and began to
contemplate with great trepidation a trip to the mall the next day and
what the hell he was going to get his partner for her birthday, a
challenge he had hoped to avoid by taking her to lunch and sending her
flowers.

     He hated to shop.  He hated malls.  They were crowded on Saturday
and filled with whiny kids.  His bad mood of the night before hadn't
dissipated.  He thought idly that if he ever had kids, God forbid,
they better not whine in the mall or he'd....No he wouldn't.  God, he
was thinking like his Dad.  He never wanted to think like his dad.
     "Pull yourself together Mulder," he thought, "You aren't going to
have any.  You'll never even get married.  Why are you so damn
cranky?"
     He found himself standing in front of Victoria's Secret staring
at a beautiful dark green silk nightgown with spaghetti strap
shoulders thinking about how beautiful it would look on Dana.  It was
absolutely perfect for her.  He shook his head.  That was a very
dangerous line of thought.  She was his partner, only his partner.
She didn't think of him that way and he should have more respect for
her.  He admonished himself to behave.  It wasn't like he hadn't had
sex in ages.  There had been Kristin what four months ago?  Something
like that.  God that had been a stupid reckless thing to do.  He tore
himself away from Victoria's Secret and thoughts of his partner in a
beautiful nightgown and decided to head to the jewelry store across
the way.  Maybe he could find a nice discreet appropriate gift
there.. Maybe he should get a life.  Maybe he should just stop feeling
so damn cranky. It had absolutely nothing, he told himself,
nothing..nothing..nothing..to do with the fact that he couldn't stop
thinking about Dana in that damn green nightgown.

     He woke up in a slightly better mood the next morning.  He'd
really managed to find Dana a nice gift after all. He didn't like it
as much as the nightgown, but she would and that, he told himself, was
the important thing.  The sun was shining and it looked to be quite
warm for February.  Maybe he'd get through this party alright after
all.  The phone rang.
     "Hi Mulder.  It's me."
     "Hi Scully," he said feeling suddenly happy.
     "I need a favor.  My battery is dead.  If you can't pick me up,
I'm not going to make it to my own party."
     "Sure.  I'll be there around 12:15," he said.
     "Thanks, partner.  See you then."
     The Scully's had moved around a lot when Dana was little, but
when they had settled down, they had done so in a large childproof
suburban house in Prince Georges County that backed to woods and a
nearby lake.  It was by no means a fancy house, but a great one for
family gatherings, and Fox realized, the family was very very large.
There was Dana and Melissa, of course, and then the brothers, Bill
Jr., Chris, and Kevin.  Bill was married to Maureen and had two kids,
Michael and Eileen, a little dark haired beauty who reminded him
painfully of Sam.  Chris was married to Jenny, and Kevin was engaged
to a young woman named Anita.  Melissa apparently had a significant
other called Chuck who had hair down to his waist and was in the music
business.  Then there was the Red Head Brigade, as he later found out
they were called.  Fox didn't think hehad ever heard so much squealing
in his life as when Dana walked in the door.  Apparently they were the
children of Mrs. Scully's older sister.  They had all grown up in
Ireland.  Shelagh and Sinead were identical twins.  Siobhan was almost
identical, only a year younger.  He wondered of that made them "Irish
Triplets" in the same sense that Scully and Melissa were "Irish
Twins."  They all had Scully's eyes and red hair that made Dana's pale
in comparison.  When the cousins were combined in the room with
Melissa, Dana, Chris and Kevin, along with Sinead's fiance Tim, he
didn't think he had ever seen so many redheads in one place.  They all
lacked Dana's calm quiet nature.  They immediately decided he was good
looking and were not at all quiet about letting him know how they
felt.  Oddly, within moments, he was at ease and laughing.
     Then the sound of a cane could be heard tapping along the
hallway.
     "Uh oh. Here comes Gran," giggled Sinead.
     "You man here comes trouble," smiled Mrs. Scully. "Hi Mom."
     "Hello yourself, Meg," said the woman.  She stood about 4'11"
ramrod straight in spite of the cane.  Fox knew immediately that it
was from this woman that Dana had inherited her looks.  When Dana was
old, this was how she would appear.  The woman was beautiful with blue
eyes that sparkled with laughter and inner strength.
     "Fox Mulder, this is my mother Mary Elizabeth McBride," said Mrs.
Scully, "She's visiting from Ireland with my niece Shelagh."
     "How do you do, Mrs. McBride?" he said politely.
     She looked him up and down.  "It's a pleasure to meet you, Wolf,
even if you are descended from those Protestants who changed their
name from Muldoon."
     "Mom, his name is Fox, not Wolf," said Mrs. Scully.  Dana winced.
     "Tisn't my fault his parents didn't name him properly," replied
Gran McBride looking him up and down again.  "Fox's are sneaky.
Wolves are beautiful.  They take care of each other and only kill for
food.  Shy and gentle creatures they are," she looked at her
Grandaugher, "Wolf Tone was a hero lass."
     "I know that, Gran."
     "Well, don't you be worrying that pretty head of yours Dana Kate.
He'll sire some beautiful children on you."
     "Gran!" she said. "He's my work partner for heaven sake, and he's
not a horse." She felt herself blushing furiously and was somewhat
gratified to see that Mulder was doing the same.
     "Well, it's time for dinner anyway," said Margaret delighted to
be able to change the subject.  She might have known that Fox and Dana
were going to get married one day, but Fox and Dana didn't know it
yet.  Sometimes her mother was an exasperating woman!  She'd done the
same damn thing to her and Bill, except she had also announced that it
was a shame that Bill was going to lose his hair.  Well, at least it
seemed that Fox wasn't going to go bald. If he were, Mary Elizabeth
McBride would have warned him!
     
     Fox wasn't sure he had ever seen so much food in one place or
heard so much laughter.  They never seemed to stop teasing each other,
or telling jokes.  Even the bickering was good natured.  Beer flowed,
and the corned beef and cabbage was both ludicrously ethnic and
delicious.  They evened laughed about potatoes. He hadn't known that
many stupid potato jokes existed. He found himself laughing along with
them even when they all started calling him Wolf.  The smiles in their
eyes kept them from being too annoying.  He wondered how Dana had
ended up with this bunch.  He remembered what her Mom had said about
Dana being different.
     "Remember that summer you two came to Ireland?" Sinead asked Dana
and Melissa.
     "I'd rather forget Sinead," said Dana.  She realized immediately
that it was the wrong thing to say.  They would start telling Ireland
stories to Mulder.  He was a new audience.  Since most of them
concerned Dana Scully, she was really sorry she hadn't kept her mouth
shut.
     "Aye it was great fun," said Shelagh.  "Remember the dance at the
church.?"
     "Please, not the dance at the church," pleaded Dana. "I'm really
blowing this.  Shut up Dana," she thought.
     "How could we ever forget that?" laughed Sinead, "Dana was 14,
Wolf, always with her head buried in a book.  Gran made her go to the
parish dance with us one Saturday night.  So who does she meet but
Liam O'Brian.  Now we all knew about Liam O'Brian.  Randiest boy in
town.  But Dana wasn't too smart."
     "You didn't warn me," she protested.
     "Well, you had to learn sometime girl....  So Dana dances with
him and somehow he manages to sneak past Father Flynn and the nuns and
get her outside."  continued Sinead.  "We of course followed to see
what would happen next and hid in the bushes."
     "Of course." said Melissa "To protect Dana from herself
naturally."
     "Well, you didn't do a very good job," muttered Scully.
     "Well no one could be that dumb at 14 or they shouldn't be," said
Siobhan.
     "Anyway," said Sinead, "the first thing Liam manages to do is get
his hand up between her legs.  Now he had a pretty tight hold on her
arm.  Picture Dana squealing and moaning trying to get away, when who
should happen along but father Flynn. Father Flynn, God bless him, did
not interpret the squealing as an escape attempt.  Dana spent the next
two days in church saying the Rosary for that little escapade."
     "I didn't do anything."
     "Aye, and you were stupid enough to say so instead of just
confessing.  Then you'd have gotten away with Three Our Father's and
three Hail Mary's when the good Father dragged you to the
confessional," laughed Shelagh.
     "What happened to Mr. O'Brian?" inquired Fox laughing so hard he
could barely talk.
     "He got admonished by Father Flynn to keep his hands to himself
along with three Our Fathers and three Hail Mary's," said Dana.
Finally she gave in and laughed.  It was pretty funny in retrospect.
Of course when she'd been on her knees....
     "And I didn't know any of this was going on?" asked Mrs. Scully.
     "You were home Mom expecting someone."
     "Mom was always pregnant," said Melissa. "I mean always!."
     "Then," said Siobhan, "there was the Bridget Feeney incident.
     "Do tell," said Fox
     "Oh God," muttered Dana.
     "Bridget Feeney was madly in love with Jamie O'Boyle.  They used
to sneak into Gran's tackroom to do it because no one was ever there.
Well Bridget was a real screamer.  So one day we all venture into the
barn and here comes the screams.  We wanted to leave, but Dana was
clueless.  She thinks someone is getting killed, so she grabs the
nearest pitchfork and rushes to the rescue.  Scared Jamie O'Boyle so
bad he didn't pull out in time.  Bridget ends up pregnant and it's all
Dana's fault."
     "Oh shut up, Melissa," said Dana. "He'd have caught her sooner or
later anyway."
     "Maybe you better not tell my anymore about Scully's wild
childhood," said Fox.  He felt a little sorry for her.  She was
embarrassed.
      "That was a really delicious meal," he said changing the subject
for Dana's sake.
      "Now we can go play football," announced Bill.  Mulder
noticed the boys exchanging glances, but didn't make much of it.
"While the ladies clean up."
     "I'll meet you outside," he said.  He had drank a little too much
beer and needed to find the bathroom.
     For a moment he found himself alone in the den with Gran, who had
been sent to sit by the fire.
     "Wolf," she said suddenly, "I've seen the gray banshees that took
the little dark haired girl."
     He froze.
     "What?"
     "Dana will help you find her lad, but beware, they try to fool
you they do.  You'll have a hard choice to make."
     "You've seen them, Mrs. McBride?"
     "Took one of mine, they did," she stopped.  She didn't like to
talk about it.  "Dana has the gift.  Melissa thinks she does, but Dana
is really the one.  She'll help you Wolf.  Don't worry.  Evil those
Banshees are."
     "Is Gran scaring you with Banshee stories?" asked Dana coming in,
"Shame on you, Gran." She smiled and kissed her Grandmother. "You'd
better go out there Mulder.  The guys are waiting."
     "We'll talk again, Mrs. McBride," He said. He was astonished. He
had to hear more.

     Fox went outside to join the game.
     "Grin and bear it, Mulder," whispered Chuck in his ear, "I had to
go through it to when I started dating Melissa."
     Fox started to protest that he wasn't dating Scully, but he
didn't have much chance.  One of the brothers kicked the ball in his
direction.  When he caught it, they all tackled him even though they
were supposed to be playing touch football..  Finally after a half
hour of taking a pounding, something he'd learned to do well from dear
old dad, he shoved them off of him and said, "Look, guys, your sister
is my partner okay?  I'm not going to do anything to hurt her.  Jeez."
He wondered how he could have been so dumb.  These guys were really
protective of their sister. They were making sure that he, Fox Mulder,
had honorable intentions.  He doubted they cared whether or not he
slept with her.  He just damn well better not hurt her.
     "See that you don't, Mulder," said Bill.  He held out his hand to
help him up. "Bet you're going to hurt in the morning," he grinned.
     "Right,." said Fox, "in places I didn't know I had."  He dusted
himself off.
     "Don't worry Dana. He lived." shouted Shelagh from the window as
she washed pots.  Bill just shook his hand.  It's okay."
     "You all are going to drive me crazy," replied Dana setting out
coffee cups, even though she wasn't supposed to be working. "He is not
my boyfriend."
     "Well with looks like those, that makes you dumber than you
look," laughed Sinead.
     Everyone sang Happy Birthday, grabbed their cake and scattered
here and there to eat.  Fox found himself back in the den again with
Scully, Gran, Melissa and the cousins.  He was just about deciding to
go in search of the guys when Gran looked at him.
     "You know what you need to do for my granddaughter for her
birthday, Wolf?" asked the woman.
     "What, Mrs. McBride?"
     Dana buried her head in her hands. She had a feeling she wasn't
going to like this.
     The trouble was Fox couldn't understand a word she said.  She
launched into a little tirade.  He picked out the words shagging,
happier woman, bastard Jack Willis couldn't, rubber things, and
priest.  The woman's brogue was so heavy he didn't get it.  He stood
there for a minute with a blank look on his face while the girls
laughed hysterically, all of them but Scully of course.
     "Would someone care to translate that?" he asked finally smiling
at Gran.
     "No," said Dana quickly.  "No, they wouldn't.  Gran shouldn't say
things like that."
     "That would be rude, and Gran is nearly 90.  She's going to say
what she damn well pleases." said Sinead. "She said...she said...I'm
laughing so hard I can't talk."
     "Good," said Dana. "Keep laughing."
     "She said you need to take her home and give her a good hard
screwing," said Shelagh, "because that son of an unmarried mother Jack
sure couldn't, and it will make her a much happier woman.  And don't
you dare use a condom because....bejasus I can hardly talk
meself... because it keeps you from getting what you need to get rid
of from going where it belongs.  You can set things right with the
priest later after you've made her pregnant.."  With shrieks of
laughter they departed.
     "You mind my words now, Wolf," said Gran tapping out of the room
leaving them alone.
     "I knew I should have found Bill and the boys," he said. He too
put his head in his hands but he was shaking with laughter.  He was
embarressed, but it was so funny he couldn't stop himself. He looked
at Dana.
     "She's wonderful, Dana," he finally managed.
     "She is.  I love her.  But I wish she was a little
more.....subdued."
     "Well, when you are her age maybe you'll be just like her.  You
certainly say what's on your mind, Scully." he smiled, "One day maybe
you'll tell me what Jack couldn't do," He waggled his eyebrows at her
unable to resist.
     "Don't hold your breath, Mulder," she muttered deciding she would
never have another birthday.

     "Time to open presents," announced Siobhan.
     "Coming," called Dana as they went to the dining room.
     There was a pretty white sweater that Gran had knitted and a pair
of leather gloves, a card made in school by little Eileen, and a
baseball card from Michael.  Finally she got to Fox's gift.  It was
small.  She hadn't really expected one from him.  They hadn't really
had that kind of relationship.  She opened it, and her eyes widened in
surprise.  She had never owned anything quite so lovely and expensive.
It was a beautiful pair of square cut emerald earrings, not large but
good stones.
     "Mulder, you shouldn't have," she said softly, "These are too
expensive.  I can't accept a gift like this."
     "Yes you can," he said softly, "Hey, pretty lady, I had to go to
a mall to get those."
     "But, Mulder."
     "No buts," he said quietly. "You almost didn't have this
birthday, Scully.  Let me spoil you a little just this once, okay?"
     There was nothing else she could say.  "Okay," she smiled. "Thank
you.  They are beautiful.  Emeralds are my favorite."  She reached up
and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek.  Their eyes met for an
instant.  Fox thought that kiss had been" heaven" but pushed the
thought aside quickly as too dangerous.
     "Oh, wait.  There's one more," said Sinead. "Here you go coz."
     "Thanks," said Dana wondering who it could be from.  It looked
hastily wrapped.  Perhaps one of the kids had thought of something at
the last minute.  She undid a whole lot of tissue paper and pulled out
the gift.  It took her a few seconds to figure out what it was.
Dangling from her hand were two unrolled condoms with the ends cut
off.
     "What's that, Mommy?" asked Eileen.
     Fox grabbed them quickly and stuffed them in h is pocket before
anyone else asked.  Maureen shoved her hand over Michael's 11 year old
mouth before he could say anything smart to his sister, while telling
Eileen she didn't need to know.  Dana let out a shriek that dated back
to the times when Irish women were warriors fighting along side their
men as equals.
     "I left my damn gun at home.  I have four people to kill, and I
left my damn gun at home.  I'll strangle you all," she said chasing
her cousins out of the room as they shrieked with laughter.
     "Alright, Mother.  What have you instigated now?" asked Meg as
the old lady cackled.
     "Why nothing dear," she said innocently, "I just told Wolf that
he had me blessin' to marry Dana Kate."
     "Right.  I'm sure," said Margaret as the sound of running people
could be heard throughout the house.  Suddenly Sinead, or was it
Shelagh, could be heard shouting, "Uncle..Uncle."
      "Well Fox, now you've met the McBride's, you'll probably never
come back.  The Scully side is calmer...sort of."
     "I've had a wonderful time, Mrs. Scully," he said.
     Dana came back, and they said their goodbyes.  There was a lot of
hugging and kissing before they finally made it out the door.  Fox
hoped he would not be in Scully's doghouse on the way home.  He had
enjoyed the joke a little too much, and she might not be happy.

     "Uh, Scully," he said, but he couldn't quite keep from chuckling.
     "Yes?" she inquired glaring at his profile.
     "Are they always like that?"
     "Always," she said.  "When I was a little kid I couldn't decide
if I wanted to run and hide or be just like them.  Usually I opted to
run and hide"
     "Except the night of the parish dance with Liam O'Brian," he
laughed.
     "He was a creep, and I didn't know what he had in mind.  He told
me he could show me Jupiter.  I'd never seen Jupiter from Ireland."
     "What happened to Bridget Feeney?"
     "Married with 8 kids."
     "I guess that makes you responsible for overpopulation," he
smirked.
     "I'll tell you something, Mulder," she said softly, "that I'd
never admit to anyone else.  That scared me.  It really did.  I didn't
understand what was happening.  I cried and cried.  Gran finally
explained it to me and that made it better sort of but..."
     "I guess that would be traumatic for a little kid who didn't know
what was going on," the therapist in him said.
     They arrived at Dana's apartment.
     "Aren't you going to invite me in?" he asked with a sparkle in
his eye. "I still have these in my pocket." He pulled out one of the
condoms.
     "Only if you can drink coffee out of them Mulder, because that is
absolutely all you are going to get," she laughed opening her door.

                         The End

Let me know what you think of Gran and the Redhead Brigade.  Anyone
want to hear more of their exploits?  Should I try to do something
with the abduction of Gran's child? I'd kind of like to bring her
back.