From: macspooky@erols.com (Macspooky) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: Generations:Grocery Shopping: Macspooky Pt. 10a Date: 18 Aug 1995 12:49:15 -0400 Here's the next part of my Generations series. Hope you all enjoy! Well, I'm at it again. More nonsense from Macspooky's magic word processor. This one doesn't really have a part number or anything, but it is part of my Generations series and should ideally fall right after "Newlyweds." Hope it makes you laugh. All the same old disclaimers apply. I wonder if Chris Carter, Fox, Ten Thirteen and whoever else, are tired of lending their characters to people like me yet. Oh well, it's folks like us that keep them in business. We watch their show and buy t-shirts and things, but most of all we buy their mugs, some of us more than once. (We know who we are.) BTW, I guess I'll rate it R for adult references because Scully and Mulder are married here, even though they don't do anything NC17 in this one, not even in the reader's imagination! PG13 would probably be more realistic in this day and age. Grocery Shopping by Macspooky Oblivion, blissful rest, contentment, darkness. Sun blasting you in the eyes. Someone shaking you. "Up and at'em, Spook," Fox Mulder moaned and turned over burying his face in the pillow. "Didn't you get enough last night...." he mumbled his voice trailing off sleepily. "Well, aren't I lucky. My husband's ego is as big as his.....Come on, Spookster. Saturday morning, errands to run, grocery shopping to do. Life to live." A cheerful voice chirped at him. "I thought we'd drive out to the burbs and buy a big load of staples in that huge supermarket near my mom's. It's cheaper, and it'll save us a lot of small trips later on." "I'm rich. I can afford the gourmet take out. I hate grocery stores." Fox griped turning over on his back once again. He was awake now, however reluctantly. His new wife sure did look chipper in her jeans and sweatshirt. She was dressed and ready to go. Personally, he wanted to catch up on the 20 years sleep he had missed when he was single and spent his time watching x rated videos and having nightmares. He guessed lots of loving did that to a guy, made him sleepy. Next time, he decided, he might skip the third time, the one SHE, or so he told himself, had insisted on, so he could get up when routed out of bed by the gestapo first thing on a Saturday morning. That would teach her who was boss. "Yeah, only twice tonight, Dana. Sorry. Got to get up early tomorrow. My wife, the little dynamo, says so." That would show her. His brain felt fuzzy. Too damn much sex. Grrh. "Come on. It will save us a lot of work in the long run." She shook him again. "Green bugs that suck out your fluids in Oregon. Worms that invade your brain in Alaska. Anything but the supermarket, Dana, anything...." he pleaded. He slid out of bed slowly. "Can't you go?" He shook his head trying to clear it. He hated morning. "Sure, with my husband." Dana put her hands on her hips. "What good is having a husband if you can't have him carry groceries? Besides, I don't really know what you like. Go take your shower." "It's easy, Dana. Anything with a high fat content and lots of sugar. You don't need me for that," he whined. "Hit the shower, bud," she commanded. "I'll let you have coffee before we leave." "Danke shoen mein fuhrer," he muttered staggering to the bathroom. "It must be pms time or something. I married Hitler with pms." A pillow flew past his head as he passed through the door. "And, Shorts, close those damn blinds before the sunlight kills something." "Vampire," his wife called after him fondly. Fox was impossible in the morning. He was obviously finding it tough adapting to life in an apartment with light and no roaches, not to mention neighbors that actually said hello. Well, at least he seemed to like Mrs. Anderson, the bird breeder. She also had a feeling that the Spookster's idea of domestic bliss was her being domestic and him being blissfully idle. Man of the 90's or not, he had never been renowned as a cook or housekeeper. She was going to have to put some effort into shaping him up. Their first week back at work had shown her that. On his nights to cook, the electric can opener had gotten a real workout, almost as much of a workout as he gave her at bedtime, attacking those cans of chilly. This was after she had told him firmly, "no more pizza this week." She turned her attention to making the bed. "And you forgot my good morning kiss...." she called after him, even though he never gave her a good morning kiss unless they....well, suffice it to say, that when he did, it didn't end there. A lot depended on how extensive a workout they had had the night before. He came out of the shower wrapped in a towel and slipped his arms around her. Maybe, if he handled this just right, he could get her to forget about groceries. She eluded his grasp quickly, however. "Cute, Fox," she laughed, "but it isn't going to work. We can do it as well after shopping as before. Maybe better. My mind will be on it." "It doesn't require your mind, short stuff," he quipped. He got a lethal look in return. What'll it be, your Tweetie Bird boxers? Marvin the Martian, nah...how about the Tasmanian Devil? I think I like those the best," she said focusing on the issue of getting him dressed and out the door. "You would," he muttered. "What was that?" she inquired sweetly, tossing him the shorts. "Nothing, sweetness," he replied. This marriage business was wonderful until your wife got the idea in her head that you needed to grocery shop. He firmly believed that there was such a thing as too much togetherness, such as in the supermarket. Fox put the shorts on very slowly, in the hope that if she got a good look at the vital part of his anatomy, he might still succeed in making her forget about the damn grocery shopping. After all, he was big, she was small. It was a winning combination that she might find hard to resist, no pun intended. For his effort, he got a lesson in how female physicians handle fresh male patients and his coffee, in an insulated mug, in the car, instead of at the kitchen table. He had, apparently, taken too long to get ready and upset some sort of schedule she had put them on. God, that woman was too damn organized! He looked at her profile as she was driving, however, and decided that she also sure was beautiful. Now, if only they didn't have to eat...... When Dana had said huge, she had not been exaggerating. Fox stood in the entrance of Safestop and looked around him with dismay. They would need a map and a golf cart to navigate it, he thought. The little store in Dana's neighborhood was fine with him. It had everything he needed. In horror, he realized that Dana had a circular in her hand and, worse yet, a stack of coupons. Oh no...anything but coupons. Margaret must have sent them to her. Margaret didn't realize how much money they had. He would have to have a talk with his mother-in-law! To add to it, the place was already beginning to fill up with parents...parents of children, those little things that saw STORE and immediately learned the words, "I want." That lead to the response of "no" and crying, screaming and tantrums. He was getting a headache just thinking about it. He heard the sound of tinkling laughter and looked at his wife. She was beautiful when she did that, and she didn't do it enough. "Waking nightmares?" she asked. "I was just thinking about how they should ban children in these places," he replied as they headed for canned goods. "Oh, it's not so bad, Spook. Think of my mom. She had five of us to shop for and had to take us with her all the time." "That's what babysitters are for," he muttered. "What was that?" "Oh, nothing, dear," he replied. "Well, personally, I can't wait to see you pushing little Fox Junior down the aisle in the shopping cart." Dana laughed at the look he gave her. He was, in fact, so busy glaring that he didn't see the little kid come careening around the corner. The child bounced into him, off his legs and into a neat stack of cans, sending them flying. Canned peas rolled everywhere. Just as the manager came around the corner, the child disappeared, leaving Fox, dressed in his favorite "I believe in UFO's" t-shirt, standing amidst the mess. "I didn't do it...." swore Fox as Dana watched amused. "I swear...." "Okay, okay..." muttered the manager and called for a clerk to restack the cans. Dana got what she wanted from canned goods, some fruit and carrots. The canned chili went back on the shelf, along with the canned hash, and the canned stew, and the canned ravioli for his nights to cook. When she wasn't looking, the hash made it's way back into the cart, along with some flying saucer shaped pasta in tomato sauce. He hid it carefully beneath his sweatshirt. Dana stocked up on toilet paper, tissues and paper towels, careful to make certain the brands were on sale and the ones she had coupons for. "Old habits must die hard," he thought idly standing near a large stack of Charmin, squeezing it for the lack of anything better to do. He was trying hard not to tap his foot with impatience too loudly, knowing that it would get him no where. Scully obviously used the same determination in grocery shopping that she did in solving a case. He was fantasizing about how he would rather be squeezing something else, something more in line with what he associated with marriage than a trip to the mega market, when a set of twins, all of about three, seemed to materialize out of no where. They looked up at him. He looked down at them. He was very tall. They were very short. He smiled. They smiled. He thought they were kind of cute. They pointed an index finger. Two fingers made contact with Charmin, and the stack came tumbling down around Fox as they ran away, shrieking and giggling, down the aisle. The manager came around the corner to once again find Fox Mulder standing amidst a mess, a pack of Charmin in his hand, still unconsciously squeezing. The manager couldn't know that this time, it was necks he was fantasizing about crushing, little identical necks. "I didn't do it," said Fox adamantly. "I swear, I didn't do it..." "Oh, Lord, what kind of trouble have you gotten yourself into now?" muttered Dana innocently, turning her attention toward him, her great toilet paper decision finally made. "Yeah, right...." replied the manager, "I suppose next you are going to tell me it was twins from hell or something." Fox opened his mouth to answer, but the man was already off in search of a clerk to pick up the mess. They bought meat. It didn't go particularly well. Fox watched with dismay as she loaded the cart with fish, chicken and turkey to put in the freezer. Finally, he reached into the case and selected two fillet mignons and a large roast beef. "What are you doing?" she inquired. "Buying some real food." He looked down at her. A chauvinistic gleam came into his eye. "Man's food. Nice and high in fat and cholesterol. Something with a taste. I have absolute faith in you, Shorts. I know you will turn this roast beef into something delicious, with mashed potatoes,< you know, the kind made with real milk and butter> and gravy, and maybe some fresh string beans....something like your mother might make. I trust you completely, no skim milk, no margerine. The real thing. Oh yeah, and salt. Lot's of real salt!" He leaned over her daring her to argue with him. She leaned away from him and opened her mouth to say something. "Not a word, Scully. Don't say a word," he admonished. She snapped her mouth shut. If it was roast beef that he wanted, she supposed that it was roast beef she had better give him. Sometimes discretion truly was the better part of valor. When he turned away, delighted at having won the argument, she muttered something about male chauvinism in any age, and they headed off, other battles yet to fight. Personally, Fox didn't care what kind of potatoes or vegetables she bought, and she did, nice healthy ones. She took lots of time shopping for them. She asked him to pick out some grapefruit to keep him amused. It was a mistake. He looked over the stack, thinking that it should be easy. A woman, shorter than Scully, with a toddler in the cart stood next to him making a selection as well. All of a sudden, little precious reached out and grabbed...the GRAPEFRUIT...the one on the bottom of the pile. Grapefruit tumbled all over the floor, surrounding Mulder in a sea of now bruised yellow globes from Florida. Mom pushed the cart away with lightening speed, just as the manager came round the bend once again to see what all the commotion was about. "I know...I know...You swear you didn't do it." The manager glared. "There must be a full moon tonight." Again, he walked off, this time in search of a produce clerk muttering to himself. "I can't believe it, Fox," said Dana. She hadn't seen the woman with the baby. "Can't I even have you pick out grapefruit without something happening?" The fruit aisle debacle over, they headed for their last stop, Fox hoped, the cereal aisle. Now Fox didn't give a damn what sort of fruit, as long as it wasn't grapefruit, and vegetables she had finally decided on. He hadn't even looked. He didn't care about toilet paper, as long as he had some when he needed it. He wouldn't even have cared if she had purchased neon dayglow pink condoms, if they used them, which they didn't. He was, for the most part, laid back and easy going, in his own mind anyway. Cereal, however, was a serious issue, and this particular super market was a cereal connoisseurs delight. To Mulder, it was probably Safestop's only saving grace! They had one full aisle stacked with cereal on both sides, hot cereal, cold cereal, instant cereal, cereal that needed to be cooked, sugared cereal and healthy cereal. It was even stacked in the aisles in large piles, waiting to be put on already overcrowded shelves. It was good old all American cereal heaven! Corn cereal, wheat cereal, oat cereal, rice cereal, barley cereal! "Finally," Fox thought, "some shopping that might be fun." Dana whipped out her coupons. With something approaching radar, she approached the "healthy" section. The first thing she did was buy Quaker's Instant Oatmeal, the plain kind. "I hate oatmeal," he informed her. "It's good for you," she replied flipping through coupons and tossing in some cream of wheat, the plain kind, as well. Her thoughts were obviously elsewhere, such as on saving money they didn't need to save, or on, heaven forbid, good nutrition. Fox let it pass. He loved this woman after all. One made compromises in the name of love. Marriage was built on compromise. He had read that in a book once. Next, she headed for corn flakes, the plain kind. A big box went into the already loaded cart. After the corn flakes, she flipped somemore coupons, and Cheerios, the old fashioned kind, made it's appearance on the stack. After that, she searched for Wheaties, and low and behold added it to the pile. Fox looked around. There was Captain Crunch, Frosted Flakes, Honeycombs, Cocoa Puffs, Cinnamon Life, Sugar Corn Pops, Fruit Loops, all those delicious cereals, and they were still sitting on the shelf. His wife was headed for the cashier with what had suddenly become HIS checkbook in HER hand. Something snapped inside. "Dana Katherine Scully Mulder, you bring that cart back here right now," he ordered. "Something wrong?" she inquired returning. When someone used all of your names, it usually meant they weren't happy. Fox had sounded an awful lot like her father when he was po'd. The only difference was that there was an added name. She was clueless. "The woman is absolutely clueless," Fox realized. And he had been worried that he had lived alone for too long and had become set in his ways! Jeez! Out came the Wheaties. Out came the corn flakes. Out came the plain oatmeal and the cream of wheat. In went the Frosted Flakes, the Cocoa Puffs, the Fruit Loops and the Captain Crunch. Then he spotted the Cheerios and snatched up that box too. I mean, the woman hadn't even asked him what he wanted after all! This could not be tolerated, not in such an important matter as cereal. If he permitted this, it would set the tone for the rest of his married life. It was a very poor precedent. "Oh, no. The Cheerios stay," she announced. She realized that she had been a little out of line in not asking him what he wanted, but he could have said something politely. He didn't have to start ripping her favorite cereals out of the cart! It was time to take a stand! "Unh, unh...you want Cheerios, you can have Honey Nut Cheerios, or Apple Cheerios, but not cardboard Cheerios." "I like my cardboard Cheerios..." The hands went on the hip, the lower lip popped out, and she glared up at him with the same look she used to intimidate criminals. He stared down at her with the expression he usually reserved for Cancerman. They might have ended up in their very own Bosnia, except that a boy of about ten came dashing down the aisle at that very moment, and like a magnet drawn to metal, crashed into Mulder, who found himself sprawling on his butt amongst a huge pile of Fruity Pebbles. He knew that when he got up, he was probably going to have Fruity Pebbles clinging to his fleece covered hind end, because the box that he had landed on had split sending, brightly colored cereal everywhere. It was the goddamned large economy size too, the one people bought when they had 10 kids of something. This time, however, he had the presence of mind to grab the offending child by the collar before he could run off. At this point, mom came down the aisle in one direction and the manager from the other. "He did it," muttered Fox, as the little offender burst into pitiful wails. "This man tripped me..." "That's it..." growled the manager. "You are out of here Mr." He paged security on his walkie talkie. "Take your groceries to the cashier and go. Lady, you better keep your husband under better control...." "Hey, wait a minute...." said Dana. "I don't want to hear it, lady. Now go." "Come on, Fox," said Dana taking his hand. "Let's go." With their luck, the press would arrive just as she started an altercation. It would make the Washington Post, first page, Skinner would see it, and they would never hear the end. She wanted to fight, but decided that discretion was the better part of valor. Such was life with Fox Mulder. The mother took her son away quickly. Dana gave the manager a glare, an armed security guard showed up, and they headed for the exit. The moment they arrived up front, the two trained law enforcement officers realized that something was wrong. It was too quiet. Then they saw it. A man armed with a shotgun, a clerk trembling so hard that she couldn't get the register open, a ticket for disaster. Before Fox and Dana could stop him, the ill trained rent- a-cop pulled his gun. The thief saw it and opened fire, just as the guard shot him through the shoulder. The guard fell, at the same moment as the very same child who had barrelled down the aisle and knocked Fox over, dashed unto the scene and blundered into the thief. The thief, in a panic now, grabbed the child just as a police car arrived. The mother screamed. Realizing there was nothing to be done for the guard, who was unconscious but seemed alive, Dana said very quietly, "Let the child go." "Shut up, lady." Fox realized immediately what she was trying to do. She was trying to calm him and distract him, so that he, Fox could work his way around behind him on the left. She took another step closer. He would feel less threatened by a small woman. "You don't need the boy," said Dana softly. The police came in. She signalled that they should back away and hoped they would read her subtle signs. They did. "Get back. I want everyone to get back...Police...everyone, or I'll shoot the kid." "You are hurt," said Dana quietly, " bleeding. The child will be a hindrance. I'm a doctor. Take me instead. I'll come slowly, very slowly....When I'm directly in front of you, you grab me and let the child go." Fox winced. His wife...his beautiful Dana....He couldn't bear to have her in danger like this. Just let her be okay, and he'd come to the stupid supermarket every week without complaint. He'd let her buy all the damn sugarless cereal in the world. He would even eat it without complaint! She was a trained law enforcement officer, however, and he had to let her do her job. So far, she was doing it very well. One of the police officers said something. "Shut up," the man raged. "Just shut up." "I have a car and a full tank of gas. This child can't drive you anywhere, and you can't drive yourself. Take me instead." Dana reasoned softly. Petrified onlookers stared. Slowly, ever so slowly with a caressing voice, she moved closer, and Fox moved away. Finally, the man had Dana...his beautiful Dana, the gun at her throat. The child ran to his hysterically weeping mother, who had been restrained by other customers. The police backed off slowly, as the man began working his way toward the door. Dana was scared. This brought back too many memories, and too much could still go wrong. She knew if the robber panicked, she could end up dead. Still, she trusted Fox absolutely, trusted the silent communication between them, trusted his ability to move stealthily and quickly, despite his performance in the produce section, paper product area, canned goods, and last but not least cereal aisle! Things seemed to be happening in slow motion. Gradually, subtly, she worked at angling the injured man around so that his back would be to Fox as they headed toward the exit, and then suddenly it came. With a hard karate chop, Fox dropped the weakening injured man. The gun clattered to the floor, and Dana quickly kicked it away, as an ambulance came rushing into the parking lot with more local police, the county swat team, and the media. "This used to be such a nice quiet town," sighed Dana, replacing the last of the melted frozen foods in their cart. The simple shopping trip to save work had turned into an all day nightmare, with statements to make and reports to file, lots of reports, a hysterical mother, who insisted on thanking them personally, and a sobbing little boy with a guilty conscience, admitting that he really had knocked the nice man over into the cereal on purpose. "Look at it this way, Shorts," replied Fox gleefully looking at the shopping cart, "we have all kinds of great cereal, except for the Cheerios, of course." "Yeah, right." She looked up at him and had to smile. He really did look like a little kid who had gotten its own way, even after everything that had happened. And it had been nice, the way he had held her when it was all over. He bent down and kissed the top of her head. Being married was great, he decided. They would go home and be together. He wouldn't have to leave her off at her apartment and then worry about her! "Let's pay for this stuff and go home, Shorts," he said finally. "Hey, do you think they might let me come back one day and shop in the baby food section?" He waggled his eyebrows. "One day maybe, after they get a new manager and convert the jars from glass to plastic," Dana chuckled in reply. "Sounds good to me," Fox replied thinking about the future and what it might hold. He smiled at her as he glanced outside. "Quite a storm coming. Unusual for this time of year." They went up to the cashier. They were just about to start loading their groceries on the counter, when there was a loud boom and the crackle of lightening nearby. The power went out. Ten minutes passed in the crowded store. Finally, the manager announced that nothing could be rung up until the power came back on, and if you cared to leave your name on the cart and come back later......Dana knew from experience that it could be much, much later. Empty handed, the not long married Mulders ran for the car, uncertain about whether to laugh or cry. It was decided for them, however, when Fox ran ahead of her valiantly to open the car door for her. She lost it then. As she grew soaking wet in the cool rain, her laughter grew more and more uncontrolled. "What?" he demanded. "I can't tell you," she choked, "I just can't.. It's too...Fox, I can't...." "What....what, Dana? Come on, what?" He wondered if she was going mad. "I think she's laughing cause you have little colored spots all over your ass Mr., and I don't think they are part of the sweat suit," said a young man with his hair in a long ponytail coming up beside them and hopping in his battered old car. "I bet they glow in the dark too." With a roar, the jalopy pulled away. "Fruity Pebbles!" they burst out simultaneously. They laughed hopelessly all the way down the Baltimore/Washington Parkway, meatless, fruitless, toilet paperless, but most of all cerealess, with the exception of what Fox was still wearing, to their apartment. They could barely contain themselves as they called Domino's Pizza for dinner, even though it was Dana's night to cook