Title: Coming To Terms Author: Kayla Ariev Rating: PG-13 Spoilers: none Summary: Bill sees something he didn't want to . . . Category: MSR Disclaimer: The X-Files, Mulder, and Scully belong to 1013, FOX and Chris Carter. I'm only borrowing them for a nice little excursion. * * * I think it was because they were so close. I think it was because they cared for each other so much. And I'm sure it was because he meant more to her than any of us; that he could do more for her than I could, as her elder brother. But whatever the reasons, I could not stop hating Fox Mulder. He just infuriated me so much. He does for my sister more than I can and means more to her than any of us. He is the only person whom she trusts and with whom she can be completely real. It's always a façade with Dana, it seems. At first I thought there was only one mask: her professional one. Then I discovered the one she put on with so-called "friends." I had thought she was real with her family and myself and that it was with Mulder and her boss and those three weird guys that always hang around that she wore a mask with. I realized later that her third mask was worn with the family. She was real when she was with those "other" people, and especially so with Fox Mulder. I think that's what I hate him the most for. Mom knows I don't like him, even though she does. Which was why she'd warned me about a romance between him and my sister. The thought not only frightened me, it sickened me. At least I had been warned so I could prepare myself for the day Dana came up to me and said "Bill, Mulder and I have become involved. . . ." What I had not been prepared for was walking in on the pair in a very conspicuous situation. It had been at another of Mom's "family get-togethers," in which she invited every member of our direct and indirect family, insisting that my sister bring along her partner. I always hated that. He wasn't part of the family, but mom insisted he come. He never did, probably because he feels awkward. He *did* find ways to draw Dana away from the occasion, but he never did actually show up. Until this time. It was Memorial Day weekend and a particularly hot one. That morning mom had gotten on the phone and called everyone, telling them to bring swimsuits because the sprinklers would be on and the kiddy pools filled. My sister and her partner showed up almost an hour late, which I've come to learn is normal for them. Dana with her a large bowl of her fabulous potato salad, her partner with several large bags of sunflower seeds and a case of what I first thought to be beer, but later learned was iced tea. Mom introduced Mulder all around, conveniently forgetting to add the fact that he *worked* with Dana so that everyone thought they were dating. As it neared two p.m., the heat overtook us and everyone donned swimsuits and headed to the backyard where mom had the sprinklers running. Of course, Dana had brought with her that royal blue bikini, which looks absolutely fabulous on her. And her partner, running around in low-riding beige swim trunks and his built up chest would cause *any* woman to swoon. Even Tara made some comment about his looks. It started out fairly innocently. Sure, flirting isn't too innocent, but it was common between Dana and Mulder and it wasn't lethal. They were chasing each other through the sprinklers, Dana's wet hair clumping and falling in her face. I learned that day that my sister had a very un-Catholic tattoo on her lower back. I stored it for later comment. Mulder would chase her, grab her wrist and she would kick his shin. Then she would take off after him and pummel into his back. He'd reach behind and grab her by the waist, pulling her over his shoulder while she screamed. They went at it for two hours. Some time around four o'clock, their energy lowering, he took her into his grasp when he thought no one was looking and kissed her very sensuously on the lips. I wanted not to see it, but at the same time could not stop watching. She returned his passion and as they broke apart, I saw love in their eyes more powerful than anything I'd ever seen before. I stifled my anger and crazy questions and went inside at my mother's call that dinner was ready. The few people who were still in their swimsuits, Mulder and Dana included, scattered to different rooms to change. Within ten minutes, it seemed everyone was either eating or being served. However, two individuals had managed to elude the meal thus far. After a half-hour, mom suddenly realized Dana was missing, and so was Mulder. Being the eldest son, I was sent to find them. I went upstairs to discover that the only closed door led to Dana's old room. I didn't think much of anything, so I just opened the door, "Dinner is getting cold" on my lips, when I saw it. It paralyzed me. My kid sister and her *vile* partner Fox Mulder were in quite an interesting position. I screamed. Literally. I let out a full-blown, murderous scream. "Jesus," shrieked Dana, pulling the afghan over their clammy bodies. "Shut the hell up, Bill. And calm down. Do you want the entire family to see?!" That was definitely the last thing I wanted to have happen, but it was already too late. A stampede of every adult relative, my mother leading the way, came bursting into the room, demanding to know what was wrong. Of course, everyone fell dead silent when they saw the couple wrapped in then afghan. It shocked my mother, I'm sure, because she began shivering and sank to the chair outside the room. "Go downstairs everyone," she instructed. "It's no big deal." Except to her, it was. "I'm sorry, mom," I started to say, but she cut me off curtly. "No. You overreacted Bill, but there is truly nothing for you to apologize for." Then she turned to Mulder and Dana, who had shifted so that Dana lay on top of her partner's chest. "You two, however...." Dana closed her eyes and, it seemed, began to cry. I was not sure. Mulder held her tightly, cradling her body. "I knew we should have just gotten dressed," she muttered against his chest. "There is no excuse for what you've done," said mom. "None!" "Mom," said Dana, "it's something any two consenting adults do in this day and age, whether or not in wedlock. And I'm sorry that it happened here, but Bill should have known to knock at a closed door, rather than burst in and-." "Dana!" said my mother, a smile breaking her worn features. "It's okay. I'm not upset about the sex. I'm upset because you didn't tell me." Dana and Mulder exchanged a look before they both blushed redder than Valentine's Day. "Okay," said Dana. "I'm sorry. We didn't want you to know. No one knew. No one *can* know, if we want to keep our jobs together." It suddenly made sense to me, all the secrecy. Of course! The FBI didn't want partners becoming romantically involved. It would, theoretically, mess up the entire balance and trust and emotion that went into a successful partnership. If there was extra emotion piled on, everything would crumble. Except that I knew it was different for my sister and her partner. The emotion already existed. The only addition to that would be couple-stuff: holding, hugging (both of which they already did), kissing, and, as much as it bothered me, sex. What bothered me the most, out of that whole situation, was the fact that they would both be not only better partners and FBI agents, but that they would both be happier people. I'd known Fox Mulder to have been a very sad person, reclusive and moody. He was dark, still is. But now that I've seen him, *really* seen him with my sister, I've realized that he is also a very tender and caring person. He has love inside of him, bubbling over, and he gushes it all to Dana. I've come to understand Fox Mulder a lot more than before, now that he is like a family member. Technically, he isn't because they refuse to get married. I know there is a good reason for it, but I refuse to acknowledge it because that would rationalize their decision, giving me one less reason to hate him. And that, too, I've realized. That I want to, need to hate Fox Mulder. In another great paradox, it is the only standard I have that allows me to accept his relationship with Dana. I guess that coming to terms with my hate for him is actually deconstructive. And what I needed to come to terms with, their relationship, has already been done. * * * feedback to kayla_ariev@hotmail.com