Title: Black and Blue Christmas
Author: Estrellita
Rating: G
Category: S, R, H
Keywords: MSR (established relationship), humor (I hope)
Archive: Wherever you want! 
Feedback: NO! DO NOT PUT MY E-MAIL ADDRESS ON THIS 
SUBMISSION AT EPHEMERAL OR ANYTHING ELSE!!! 
Spoilers: None- well, maybe for Existence
Summary: It's Christmas 2001 and we've got an engagement 
ring; a ladder mishap; three aunts named Mary, Maude, and 
Martha; Bill Scully being Bill Scully; and a partridge in a 
pear tree.
Disclaimer: I don't own Mulder, Scully, William, Bill, Tara, 
Matthew, Mrs. Scully, or Aunt Olive (even though she was 
only mentioned for two seconds in Rain King). However, I am 
the proud owner of Mary, Maude, and Martha, along with 
Scully's other relatives.
Author's Notes: Please read this story the whole way
 through!

Black and Blue Christmas
by Estrellita

"Mulder? Mulder, can you come here and give me a hand 
with this?" Scully called.

Mulder appeared at the foot of the stairs. "It's Fox,
 honey, remember? You're the one who's been saying 
we should practice calling each other by our first
 names."

Scully laughed. "Well, really, -Fox-," she emphasized, 
"I know we'll be calling each other by our last names 
until we're in our nineties, but I don't think it would go 
over too well with my relatives tomorrow. Most 
couples who've been engaged for seven months and
lived together for three do call each other by their 
first names."

He smiled. "Dana, when have we ever been most 
couples?"

She laughed. "Only on Christmas Day."

"So what did you need a hand with?" he asked.

She indicated the wooden ladder leading to the 
attic of their suburban Maryland home. "Can you 
just hold this ladder for me so I can climb up here?"

"Okay." As she ascended, he called, "What are you 
getting up there?"

"Christmas tree ornaments," she yelled back. 
"I can't believe it's Christmas Eve and our tree's 
not decorated yet."

"Who's got time to decorate when there's a house 
to move into?" he replied.

"I think we're sufficiently moved in." Scully picked 
up a large box from the attic floor. "Here, M-Fox, 
can you take this?"

Mulder stepped out from behind the ladder. 
Scully took a few steps down and handed him the 
box. The weight of the box caught him a bit off-guard, 
however, and he stumbled backward.

Scully started back up the ladder, but without 
Mulder there it was a bit unsteady. Her foot caught 
in a rung of the ladder, and she cried out as the 
ladder slipped and fell forward, crashing to the 
ground.

Mulder quickly dropped the box and rushed over 
to her. "Scully! Scully, are you okay?" 

Scully shakily got up. Gingerly, she touched her 
eye and forehead, where bruises were forming, 
and looked in dismay at the blood on her fingers 
after she touched her nose. She rolled up her
sleeve, rubbing a sore spot on her arm, and cautiously 
flexed her wrists to test them.

"I think I'll live," she replied finally. "I just need 
some ice."

"You don't think anything's broken?" he asked in 
concern.

"No," she replied. "I think I'm fine."

"You're -sure-, Scully?"

"I'm -fine-," she said impatiently. "And it's Dana."

*    *    *

Scully was hoping that in the morning, she'd 
show no signs of her ladder mishap.

Unfortunately, the next day she looked worse than 
ever. Her eye and forehead were covered with a 
gigantic bruise that shined with every color of the 
rainbow. The bruise on her arm wasn't much prettier.

She groaned as she stared at her reflection. -I look 
hideous-, she thought, but then she remembered that 
it was Christmas. And it was their son's -first- 
Christmas.

Scully went into their baby's room. "Hi, sweetie," 
she said softly, picking him up from his crib. "Merry 
Christmas."

William took one look at his mother's black and blue 
face and burst into tears.

Scully closed her eyes. -It's really that bad-, she 
thought miserably.

She and William headed back downstairs, to where 
Mulder was sitting under the tree.

"Merry Christmas, honey," he said, getting up to give 
her a kiss. "You look beautiful."

Scully groaned. "I look like I've been mugged!"

"Hey, Will," Mulder said gently, and Scully handed 
him their son. Mulder gave him a kiss. "Merry first 
Christmas, William."

"Look at all the presents, Will! Look at all these 
presents for you!" Scully and Mulder knelt down by 
the tree to unwrap the presents they'd picked out 
for William.

"Dana," Mulder said as they went on unwrapping 
William's presents, "I know we said Will would be
 the only one getting presents this year, since we 
have to pay for this house and our wedding, but I-"

"Mulder, you didn't!" she cried.

He smiled. "It's Fox," he said, "and no, I didn't. I just 
wanted to let you know that I do have something 
picked out for you," he continued, thinking of the 
gold bracelet he'd get for her. Maybe he'd even have 
it engraved. "For when we have the money."

Scully smiled. "I have something picked out for you, 
too," she said. She'd get him tickets to the next 
Vikings-Redskins game, to make up for the one they'd 
missed six years ago.

They had to be at Mrs. Scully's by noon, so as soon as 
they finished unwrapping William's gifts, they got 
dressed and headed for the car.

"Now, you said -three- aunts will be there?" Mulder 
asked as they drove there.

"Yes." 

"And their names are?"

"Mary, Maude, and Martha."

Mulder groaned. "You couldn't have made this a -little- 
easier on me?" he said, and Scully laughed. "Are they 
all your mother's sisters?"

"No, just Aunt Mary."

"Good," said Mulder. "I was beginning to think your 
grandparents were excessively fond of the letter M." 
Scully laughed again.

"No, Aunt Maude is my father's sister and Aunt Martha 
is my mother's sister-in-law."

"Your -father's- sister-in-law?"

"No, my mother's."

Mulder swore under his breath. "And your cousin's 
name is Joelle?"

"No, Janelle. Joelle is her daughter."

"Her daughter," Mulder murmured. "And Joelle's 
husband-"

"-Janelle.-"

"-Janelle's- husband's name is-"

"Jim."

"Ah. And is her mother Mary, Maude, or Martha?"

"None of the above," said Scully. "Aunt Olive."

"Aunt Olive?"

"Yes. My mom's other sister. But she's sick. She 
won't be able to make it."

"And neither will Charles?"

"No, his whole family's in Germany. He's not coming."

"But Bill is?"

"Yes."

Mulder sighed. "So I'll have to deal with Bill -and- keep 
everybody's names straight, Scully."

"Dana."

"Right."

*    *    *

Margaret Scully greeted them with hugs at the door. 
"Dana!  my goodness, what happened to you?"

"Fell off a ladder yesterday," she said ruefully. "But 
I'm okay now."

"Well, I'm glad you're okay. Hello, Fox," she said, 
giving him a hug.

Mulder somehow never minded when Mrs. Scully called
 him Fox. "Hi, Mom," he said, hugging her back. He had 
called her Mom ever since he and Scully had become 
engaged.

"Hi, William," Margaret exclaimed, looking at her 
grandchild, who was asleep in the baby carrier. "Oh, 
you're getting so big."

As Mulder and Scully went into the house, the first 
person to greet them was Bill Scully, Jr.

"Hi, Bill," said Scully, moving to hug him.

He hugged her back, then drew back in horror. 
"My God! What happened?"

"I fell off a ladder," she said.

"You fell off a -ladder-?" Bill repeated incredulously.

"Yeah, my foot caught in a rung and I fell," she said in 
explanation.

"Hi, Bill," Mulder broke in, extending his hand.

Bill narrowed his eyes at Mulder, then turned and 
walked away.

"Well!" Mulder murmured under his breath. "Good to 
see you, too."

"Never mind him," Scully said to Mulder out of the
 corner of her mouth. "You have to meet the rest of 
my relatives."

Scully led Mulder into the family room, where the 
rest of her family sat, chatting. After she'd hugged 
and said hello to everyone, she introduced Mulder.
 "This is my fiance, Fox Mulder. M-Fox, this is Aunt Mary, 
Aunt Maude, Aunt Martha,"

Mulder groaned inwardly. All three aunts were short 
and stout, with short gray-blue hair, as if their names 
didn't make it hard enough to distinguish between them.

"My sister-in-law Tara, my nephew Matthew," she 
continued, indicating the almost-four-year-old playing 
with Matchbox cars on the floor.

"And you must be Joelle," Mulder said to the tall, 
blonde woman Scully had not yet introduced.

She looked at him blankly. "No, I'm Janelle. -That's- 
Joelle," she said, pointing to the three-year-old playing 
with Matthew.

"And this is Jim," Scully said hurriedly, as Mulder 
mumbled an apology.

Mulder glanced at Bill, who was sitting in a chair. 
Bill's eyes were narrowed in Mulder's direction. -Geez-, 
Mulder thought. -What have I done to piss him off this time?-

Dinner was at three o'clock, so it was more like "l'inner," 
Mulder thought later, since it was a sort of cross 
between lunch and dinner. It was, to say the least, 
interesting.

"Is the Bulls game on?" Jim asked loudly.

"Of course it's not on," snapped Janelle. "You checked 
the TV Guide a million times. It hasn't changed."

"Oh, you like the Bulls?" Tara commented in a polite 
and innocent voice that betrayed exactly what she 
thought of the Bulls.

Jim gave her a hard look. "Do you mean something by 
that?"

"I went to see my doctor the other day," Aunt Martha 
began. "He says he'll have to-"

"Aunt Maude, could you please pass the potatoes?" 
Mulder asked Aunt Martha.

"And that changing my medicine will be-" Martha 
continued.

"Um, Aunt Maude?" Mulder pressed gently.

"That's Aunt Maude over there, dear," Aunt Mary 
told him helpfully.

"Oh, sorry," he mumbled. "Aunt Mary, may I have 
the potatoes?"

"-I'm- Aunt Mary, dear. That's Aunt Martha."

Mulder gave a little nod with a tight smile as the 
potatoes were passed to him. -I'll shut up now.*

"Sorry I had no to make dessert," said 
Margaret Scully apologetically, "but I picked up an 
apple pie from Kate's Cakes."

"That will be great, Mom!" exclaimed Scully. She 
turned to Mulder beside her. "You have not lived until 
you have eaten an apple pie from Kate's Cakes, 
Mul-Fox."

"I'll have to try it, then," he said with a smile.

Bill did not say one word through all of dinner 
and all of dessert. He just sat there, glaring at
Mulder.

After dinner, they all sat around in the family 
room, watching TV but not focusing on it. Jim flipped 
through the channels, not finding anything much. A 
Christmas music special here, a football game here, 
maybe an old movie somewhere.

"Where's the paper?" Aunt Maude asked suddenly.

"Hmm?" Mrs. Scully raised her eyebrows.

"I -said-, where's the newspaper, Maggie? You always 
have the paper when I'm here. Now, where is it?" Maude 
snapped.

"I'm sorry, Maude, I didn't get it today," Margaret 
replied apologetically.

"I could go get it for you, Aunt Maude," said Bill, 
standing up. "There's a convenience store right up the 
street. It would be no problem."

Maude's face brightened. "Why, thank you, Bill!" 
she exclaimed. 

"My pleasure," said Bill. He glanced at Mulder. 
"Why don't you come with me, Fox?" he asked. "It's in 
walking distance."

A look of complete surprise came over Mulder's face. 
Scully looked at both Mulder and Bill warily. 
"All right," Mulder said cautiously.

"We better hurry," said Bill. "It sells out fast 
on Christmas."

Outside, the two of them walked along the side of 
the road in silence. "So," Bill said finally, "Dana fell 
off a ladder yesterday?"

Mulder looked at him, surprised. "Yes," he said
slowly.

"How'd that happen?" Bill asked.

"Her foot caught in a rung of the ladder and it 
crashed down," Mulder replied in bewilderment.

"Why was she climbing a ladder?" Bill pressed.

"She was getting Christmas tree ornaments from 
the attic."

"You hadn't decorated your tree on Christmas Eve?" 
Bill questioned skeptically.

"Well, we've been so busy," Mulder started to explain, 
"with work and moving into the house."

"You're telling me you couldn't have found a -little- time 
to throw some red balls onto the tree?"

Finally, Mulder looked Bill in the eye. "May I ask what's 
with the third degree?"

"Oh, I'm just wondering if this is something she does 
often," Bill replied evenly. "Falling off ladders."

Mulder stopped in his tracks and looked at Bill. "What?"

"Walking into doors," Bill continued. "Stepping on 
rakes."

The wheels in Mulder's head clicked and he finally 
understood. "Are you asking me if I hit her?" he said in 
disbelief.

"You said it," Bill responded smoothly.

Shocked, Mulder stood silent for a full ten seconds. 
"How-" he stopped, at a loss for words. "How could you 
even -think- I would do that?"

"Why not?" replied Bill coolly. "Every other time she's 
gotten hurt it's been because of you."

Mulder's face contorted. So mad he couldn't see 
straight, he began to walk swiftly ahead of Bill. 
"I am not even going to dignify that with a response," he 
said angrily. "You think whatever you want to think. But," 
he continued, turning around and walking backwards so he 
could address Bill to his face, "I'm the one who'll know the 
truth that you're too stubborn to believe, you son of a-"

Mulder turned around and walked indignantly ahead.

Straight into a telephone pole.

*    *    *

Scully was in the kitchen washing dishes with her mother 
and Tara when the door suddenly opened.

Scully turned around. There stood Mulder, his eye swollen 
and his nose badly bleeding.

"Mulder!" she cried, forgetting to call him "Fox." She set 
down the dish she was washing and ran to the freezer. 
"Mulder, we have to get you some ice."

Margaret and Tara stood looking at Bill, who was 
standing in the doorway, with incredulous expressions on 
their faces. "Dana, Fox," said Margaret without looking at 
them, "could you excuse us for a minute? Tara and I need to 
speak to Bill privately."

"Okay," Scully called over her shoulder, and she and 
Mulder left the room.

No sooner had they left than Tara burst out, "Bill! I can't 
believe you! How could you -do- such a thing?"

"Do what?" Bill asked in honest confusion.

"William Scully," Margaret began angrily, "I am ashamed 
of you. I know you have a temper, but I can't believe you would
behave in such a way- to your future brother-in-law! I raised 
you better than that."

"Wait," Bill said, suddenly understanding. "You think I 
hit him?"

"What, are you going to tell us he walked into a tree?" 
said Tara sarcastically.

"No," Bill mumbled. "A telephone pole."

"Bill!" Tara exhaled in furious exasperation. "What 
kind of example are you setting for Matthew? And Joelle 
and William? Do you want them to think they can solve 
their problems through violence?"

"Not to mention," Margaret continued, "that I have 
always wanted peace in this family, and here you are, 
fighting like a ten-year-old boy instead!"

"Where's my paper?" Maude's impatient voice came from 
the family room.

Tara sighed. "Don't worry, Aunt Maude," she called, 
throwing an angry glance at her husband. "-I'll- go get 
the paper for you." She got her coat and pocketbook and 
headed out the door.

Margaret gave Bill a long, hard look. "I'm disappointed in 
you, Bill. I really am."

With a dejected sigh, Bill headed out of the kitchen, 
through the family room, where several relatives stared 
at him in bewilderment, through the living room, where 
Scully sat on the couch with Mulder, who was holding a bag 
of ice to his eye, to the stairs. 

When he got to the top of the stairs, he stopped. Mulder and 
Scully didn't see him listening in on their conversation.

"So what did you and Bill talk about?" Scully asked.

Mulder sighed and was quiet for a long time. "Nothing worth 
mentioning," he said at last. He sighed again. "Your family must 
think I'm insane," he said.

"No, they don't!" Scully replied. "They were actually just 
talking about you, after you left. They thought you were cute."

"But Bill." Mulder exhaled and lay his head back on the couch. 
"Your brother hates me, Scully. Let's face it. No matter what I 
do, he's always going to hate me."

Scully looked at him, love shining in her eyes. "Mulder, how 
could anyone hate you?" 

At the top of the stairs, Bill stood and watched as Mulder 
and Scully shared a long, loving kiss.

*    *    *

It was time to go home.

Scully went through everyone, hugging and kissing them 
goodbye. Mulder decided to make one last try at everyone's 
name.

"Goodbye, Mom," he said, giving Mrs. Scully a hug goodbye. 
"Bye, Aunt Maude," he knew her from the newspaper 
incident, and he guessed at the next aunt, "Aunt Mary," 
when she didn't say anything he assumed he was correct, 
"Aunt Martha. Bye, Jim," he guessed at Scully's cousin's 
name, "Janelle, and Joelle." -Seven for seven,- he thought. 
"Goodbye, Matthew, Tara," At last he had gotten to Bill.

Mulder looked Bill Scully square in the eye. "Goodbye, Bill," 
he said, and extended his hand.

Bill looked right back at him. He shook Mulder's hand. 
"Goodbye, Fox Mulder." He smiled at him. "Merry Christmas."

The End